Learn to Feel
by LadyAbbySwan
Summary: What if Bella had met Carlisle long before he changed Edward? What if Carlisle was the one who taught her how to be a human, because she was not quite mortal? How would their relationship go? How did they meet? And what exactly is Bella? Pre-Twilight.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, I'm sorry it took longer than I expected to revised this story with my senior year and personal problem my life was kind of messy. But it was all done for the best and finally my laptop has risen from the death too, I could publish this. Anyway, give big smiles and hugs for my betas, Team-Emmet-Cullen and Silvereyed Angel, that work so hard to repaired my disorganized story into this beautiful pieces. So get on with it, thank you for reading.**

**Disclaimer: I didn't own Twilight eventhough I dream of it everynight.**

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Chapter 1. Fascination

Humans are simply fascinating. The way they live their short, pathetic time of life. But no matter how rude, arrogant, or smelly they were, they are simply…fascinating. This is not my first time, wondering about what it is like to eat, to breathe or to simply feel the rain drop on to your hair. Something about them always tugs my lip upward, or leaves me stunned. The way they curse whenever they are late to a date. Whenever I'm about to take their loved one's soul, well even though they don't see me doing that, I always watch the way water run down their cheeks from their eyes. I recently found out that these are known as tears. Some substances that come out when humans feel sad, hurt, in pain, remorse, or frustration. I watch as the sparkles in their eyes suddenly disappear; I watch as their screams echo in the street, at hospital's waiting rooms, or beside their love's deathbed. It never repulsed me like it does to my friends. No, humans were never repulsing; they were fascinating.

Time has no effect on me and my kind. But I do wonder what it feels like to grow up and fall in love. I wonder what it's like to wear a beautiful wedding dress and said 'I do'.

"Why is she crying, once again?" I asked my guardian once,confused, as we watched a wailing little girl, barely three years old, but the beautiful tears running freely over her face. She sat on the ground, while her mother tried to calm her down, petting the brown, bouncy curls out of her face. I didn't understand why.

"Because she fell." My guardian replied.

Confused, I said, "We fall every day but neither of us are crying." She sighed, stroking her dark color hair out of her face. It's hard to play babysitter to a newborn of my kind, I guess, because we don't know anything about other creatures besides our own kind.

"You see the red liquid over her knees there? That's called blood. Whenever humans are bleeding, they're in pain and sometimes it's unbearable so they cry. Is that enough?" She explains boringly. I can't help; it's not my fault that humans were so confusing.

"Anyway, we can't cry, honey. It's emotion that causes crying and fortunately we don't have to deal with those silly emotions." She smiles warmly and starts heading north towards the beach.

I don't have any other option, other than to follow her. At the end of the day, we always come to the beach; release the souls we've gathered that day, assuring them that its okay and their loved ones will be waiting at the other side. After that, we'll enjoy the sounds of nature, the way light flickers around the sun when it's going to other places to share its warmth, the noise that the wind creates, the waves that plays with sand, offering us the most beautiful piece of music. The music of nature. It is even more beautiful than Mozart or Bach or any other musician that humans have ever heard. It soothes me and banishes any questions about humans.

"You should be heading to the city hospital. It's a lot easier with the human, who already knows that they're going to die. I'll be at the train station. You have to wait until dawn, you understand, or you'll fail and their soul will be lost because you are not yet trained to work at night. After that, I'll meet you wherever you are. Remember don't go anywhere at dark."

My annoying guardian ratted again. Sigh. I know my job. I guess they really can't get over the fact that I'm still a newborn. Or rather, a newborn to our kind. I'm 14 years old and to humans, at least, I wouldn't be considered a newborn at that age. But for my kind I'm still a baby. How can I? My guardian is 315 years old and there are others who are far too old for my liking.

So here I am, heading to the city hospital, guarding my soon-to-be lost soul, while my guardian is going to take part at the train station – apparently, there has been an accident there and it's getting quite messy with the scattered soul so they need every elder they can get.

I don't like the hospital much; it's surrounded by many of dmy kind, the newborn, especially whenever accidents happen like now. So it is kind of crowded for me, I often lose my way.

Room 367.

This consists of a lot of adolescence who are diagnosed with lung cancer. Michael Campbell. He is often called Mike, pale complexion with black jet hair and small figure because of all the medicine that is taking over his body. He decided to ignore the man in the white uniform's advice about chemotherapy and enjoyed the rest of his life traveling with his family. He was loved by many people – you can see from the table beside his deathbed, there are a lot of beautiful pictures of him laughing with his friends and family. A stack of get-well cards scattered around the coffee table beside the chair I occupied. There are flowers beside the black box... what it's called? Television, I think it's called. I think some humans call it a 'TV'. The flowers look beautiful. And I like their smell. I reached out and touched its petal and brought it to my nose and inhaled. Exhaled. Inhaled.

"Do you like it? It's my favourite; I like it a lot more than jasmine." A voice asked.

_Gasp_. Is it this close? Usually, humans can't see us, except when their life is coming to an end. I mean very, very soon. Or if we choose to be seen, which I didn't. Its still midnight. Isn't he supposed to be asleep? That thing that humans tend to do whenever the stars start to show in the sky. I didn't understand why they would like to close their eyes when they can stare at the stars the whole night. And here I am, getting lost in my thoughts, while this human, Mike, was staring curiously at me.

"You can talk right?"

Why would he think I can't talk? I walked right back to the chair that I previously occupied and made myself comfortable. I tilted my head and stared back at him.

"Yes, I can talk."

"I'm sorry, but you were very quiet and I thought you couldn't talk. Are you lost? Are you a patient here too? You know, you should in your bed. The nurse can get pretty annoying when they're panicked."

Ah, talkative. I smiled warmly at him. He was trying to be nice at me, the stranger that rudely interrupted his privacy and messed around with his favourite flowers, so I guess I should play nice too.

"No to the first two questions. And, yes, I know they are pretty annoying." I smiled politely.

He looked confused and starts laughing. See that what's I'm talking about, instead of panicking and running away, humans would laugh, smile or staring amusedly at me, not that he knows what I am. Yet. His eyes were lit with a beautiful spark and I couldn't resist the urge to look into those deep eyes and bath myself in its colour. I could tell from looking into those eyes that he has felt many things he shouldn't have to feel at his age.

"Sorry, you're kind of funny you know. So you can't sleep too?"

"No, I can't sleep."

"So do you like it?"

What was he talking about? What do I like? I'm so not good at making conversations especially with the human being. I looked over at him, confused, and he pointed his finger to…the flowers. I see.

"Yes. What is it called?"

"It's called an orchid. Beautiful, isn't it? My mom bought it yesterday as she knows I like it a lot."

I nodded. This kid loves his mom. This, I understand. What I don't understand is how love works. Do humans give each other something like orchids if he or she loved you? How does it feel to be loved? Does it tickle like the wind in the sunset when I enjoyed the Music of Nature? Or is it noisy like the waves and the sand? Does it hurt like when I saw the girl earlier who was crying because of her fall? I guess not the last one because if it does hurt, then this Mike wouldn't be smiling so brightly.

Awkward. He didn't talk anymore and was just staring at the TV thing, deep in thought. I stood up and walked to the window to take a look at the beautiful scenery outside. There is a lot of glow. Inhale. Exhale. It was raining. I can smell the rain. I traced the raindrop on the window.

Finally he started to talk again. "What are you doing here?"

I'm too shy to start any conversation with the human. I simply respond to their talking and they start talking even more. I looked at him over my shoulder reluctantly as I didn't really want to take my eyes off the beautiful stars that winked at me just now.

"I keep you from the dark, I guess. So you can sleep peacefully."

"I've never been afraid of the dark. It's not really dark outside anyway; there is a lot of light outside."

I nodded again. I didn't really know how to take this situation. Again, I looked outside.

"What's your name? If you're going to stay, at least I should know your name, little Lady."

I kept looking at the raindrops, thinking about whether I should give him my name or not. I didn't have a name of course. None of us have. But this kind man had given me a name. 'A beautiful name for a beautiful lady.' That's what he said. I use it simply because it's weird to be nameless. I like to play human and humans have names. So why can't I have a name? My guardian allowed me to. She too has a name given by one of her protected souls. A loving grandmother she told me. I smiled.

"Isabella."

"I'm Mike."

"I know."

He looked at me surprised. Why? What did I said? I didn't tell him about my mission yet, so he shouldn't be surprised. I turned to him and looked at him quizzically. And then sudden realization hit me.

"Your name is on the door. Michael Campbell."

I smiled and walked to the end of his bed. He moved his legs a little bit so I could sit there.

"You shouldn't be awake at this time. Aren't you at least sleepy?"

He shook his head. Sigh. I looked at my hand. Nervous attack. That's what my guardian used to name my behaviour around humans, I later find out that is called human anomaly. So I have one connection with the human race. Not that I know what nervous is or how it feels, as we can't feel. Sometimes, I wonder whether it is good for humans to feel nervous at times, or if it is adorable or frowned upon.

"Is this my sign to go?"

I quickly lift my head and look the sad eyes of the boy who used to camp at Rocky Mountain. How did he know?

"Your appearance gave you away. At least, wear something human like. I'm not saying that the summer dress looks ugly on you. You're so beautiful and that's why I knew what you were immediately. You're too beautiful to be human."

He smiled at me. I couldn't say anything as he left me speechless. When some stranger is about to take your life away, you shouldn't praise their beauty, right? I looked down at my white dress. There was a shade of blue which was my favourite color. There's nothing extraordinary about it but I guess that's why I found humans so fascinating because they can find something extraordinary when I can't. I looked up at him trying to feel guilty because I'm going to take his soul soon, but I can't. My face remains impassive. The whole can't feel anything really annoys me.

"I'm sorry."

But I didn't really mean it. I feel bad about that; here I am, taking his soul away but I can't really say sorry about it and mean it. I expected him to be offended or order me to leave him alone. Instead, he just smiled and took my hand in his and gave it a little squeeze.

"Don't be. I'm sick. The news is no surprise at all. C'mon, say what you have to say."

"What do you expect me to say?"

He thought about it for a moment. Clearly amused about something. I wanted to ask him what he found so amusing. But I waited instead, waited for him to explain the object of his amusement.

"I don't know. 'Hello, I'm Isabella. You're going to die and I'm going to help you to die.'"

He raised his tone so his voice would match woman voice. It just make me chuckle. What a weirdo. I just got told by a mere human how to properly greet a mortal.

"See, you have to laugh a little bit more. It brightens up your face."

I shook my head. So much for a soul. Suddenly he shivers slightly.

"What is it?"

"I don't know."

He rested his head in the pillow and starts to take a deep breath, the beep sound at the monitor shows me that his pulse has quickened. The door opened and a nurse came in with a chart and to check his vitals. She pressed the call button. I guess, she called the people in the white uniforms. A very pale young man came in with a long weird thing hanging around his neck. He looked at me for a moment and quickly checked Mike's condition. That was strange. The man looked right at me as if he could see me. I backed off a little bit and let the man do his job. He looked around like he was searching for something and then he finally shook his blond head and gave Mike pat in the head.

"What are you doing, staying up so late, Mike? You know it's not good for your body."

He looked concern. The nurse had prepared some sort of medicine.

"Don't. I don't want to be sedated tonight. I'll sleep later."

The nurse frowned disapprovingly but put the medicine back anyway. She looked at the man. The man nodded and the nurse got out.

"So tell me what kept you awake?"

Mike look at me waiting for approval, but I didn't know whether to give the approval or not. I was distracted, staring at the beautiful Blondie in front of him. I felt strange around him. There's this air around him that was different than with any other human.

"I had company, when I woke up. We talked and lost track of time. Sorry." Mike explained.

"Okay, well this girl can't be very good if she keeps you from your sleep."

Mike frowned and stared at where I was standing. Slowly, he turned back to the man.

"How do you know it's a girl?" he asked.

"Come on, I've been your age and nobody could keep a boy from his peaceful sleep except a girl. So who is she?"

Realization look clearly at Mike face and a faint blush appeared on his cheeks.

"No one."

They just stared at each other. I waited for the man to go out and leave Mike alone. But he didn't move a muscle. They just kept staring until I saw the man raise one eyebrow and Mike started laughing.

Mike sighed. "Okay...Okay... She's beautiful and I'm not saying another word." he said, the blush on his cheeks darkening.

The man moved to sit on Mike's bed and look at the chart.

"Doc... can you assure me that early in the morning, my mom and dad will be here?" he asked, almost desperately.

"Why? Do you want to introduce your girlfriend this early?" the man asked, a smile playing around his lips. The man looked up and met Mike's beautiful green eyes.

"No, but I wish I could. Just to say that I miss them."

The man's smile faltered a little. "They visited 9 hours ago, Mike. Now sleep while I text your dad about your message, okay?"

Mike sighed and nodded. The man squeezed Mike's hand and said good night. Finally I got him alone.

"You know you won't be able to make it. I have to take you at dawn." I said. I wish I could feel remorse, sadness but I just felt…nothing. Cold.

Mike looked up at me and smiled sadly. He patted his bed, silently asking me to sit with him there. "I know. I just hope to see my mom and dad even if I can't touch them anymore."

Again, I'm lost for words. I'm not good at comforting people so I just lay my head on his legs told him that I'm there and he's not alone. Apparently, he understood my pathetic effort and patted my head slightly.

"You should write something to your parents." I suggested.

I sat back and gave him some paper and a pen from his nightstand. He thanked me and starts writing and ignores me. So I decided to walk back to the window, looking at the beautiful scenery outside. The rain has stopped. It will be dawn in a moment.

"I will call my mom, if you don't mind." Mike told me.

I nodded and walk out. This is the least that I could give to him, some privacy. I waited until the sun started to rise and I walked back in.

"I'm sorry Mike but it's time"

He looked at me sadly and closed his eyes to relax himself. So do I as I take a breath and inhale. .

"Just relax, it won't hurt a bit. All you have to do is take a deep breath." I said.

He nodded and closed his eyes again. When he was ready, I stepped closer towards him and slowly took his hand in mine. When he exhaled, I kissed his forehead.

Suddenly, the monitor sounds a horrible long beeping sound. I know what this means, I have taken Mike's life. That's exactly what I am. Even Death has his helpers. An angel of death. And my name is Isabella.

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**So what do you think? Do you like it? Should I continue? Please I would love to hear your thought, just mind your word would ya... This is my first time. Thank you.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, very much thanks to Daniidomene who is kindly give me such motivating review. And others who had put my story into their Favorite or Alert. I updated as soon as I woke up. There's another Bella almost meeting Carlisle here but its still 2 or 3 chapters to go before you could read about the talking between Bella and Carlisle when they finally met. And once again give applause for my wonderful betas, Team-Emmet-Cullen and Silvereyed Angel, for their hard work.  
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**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

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"What is it, Isabella?"

I looked up to Ellen, gazing straight into her questioning eyes. She wore a strapless white dress, her waist length dark hair blowing loosely in the wind. Question in her eyes.

The two of us were seated at the top of a lighthouse near the beach, finding it a peaceful place to rest after we have finished delivering the souls. I had said my goodbyes to Mike and I think he was happy in his last moments of his life. I reflected over the encounter, as I looked down on the object in my hands, the subject of Ellen's question.

"It is an orchid. Mike gave it to me." I told her, as I continued to stare out at the beautiful sight in front of me.

"Mike?" Ellen asked.

I nodded and gave the orchid to her. She looked at it like it was the most peculiar thing ever. Examining the flower, closer and closer, like she would find every little specimen walking out of its sheath any moment. After a while, she gave it back to me and continued to stare at the beautiful twilight.

"Why would he give it to you?" she frowned.

I shook my head. I didn't know either. His mother had given it to him, because she loved him. Did that mean that Mike loved me like his mother loved him? Does this mean that I am being loved? I didn't know really. I guess Ellen wouldn't know either, though I remember exactly what he said when he gave it to me. After all, angels have rather sharp memories…

_Flashback_

"So what are we going to be doing here?"

Mike asked me, looking around with obvious curiosity, trying to take everything gaze stopped at the sight of a little girl who was playing with her braid. Her little flowery dress was spread out beside her and the smile on her face was directed towards me.

"Oh my god! She's so young. What is she doing here?"

I smiled at Mike. Sometimes humans can be so amusing, even though I, too, had been surprised to see a little child play with us at the shore, waiting until twilight to cross over. You can't choose when you die. They were sick, involved in an accident, died in a miscarriage, or the very worst, been abused. But I could see they were all happy here now at least; running around, making sand castles or playing at the beach with one of us. It was fun being with them; they were so pure, so white, that it was like you could drown in their innocence. We, angels, were always attracted to children, because something in their eyes reminds us of home.

"You are young, Michael."

He rolled his eyes and looked at me, obviously waiting for a more satisfying answer.

"She's just like you. Waiting."

Seeing that there wasn't going to be any further discussion, he sat down in the sand and enjoyed the wind. I smiled at him; to show him how grateful I am that he stopped his 20 questions thing, as I continued to observe the sky. When I looked to my right, I saw Ellen's nod. Signalling it was time.

"It's time, Mike." I sighed, peeling my gaze away from the sky.

He stood up, very slowly, and frowned. He looked around to stare at the little girl from earlier, who had started her crossing process.

"Where she's going? What am I supposed to do?" he asked, still looking at the little girl.

I closed my eyes for a moment and sighed. This was the hard part. Humans tended to be hot headed and it was a hard job making them do what they were supposed to do.

"She's crossing over to the other side." I explained. "She will be greeted by a peaceful land there. You will be, too, Michael. Just follow the light and you'll see the people who have been waiting for you. There is no reason to be afraid. We... I am here to make sure you make it to the other side." I finished, watching him very carefully.

Like any other human, he was shocked. His mouth was shaped into a perfect 'o'.

"What do you mean, I have to leave? When I cross I can't meet my mom again, can I? Why can't I stay?" he complained. I sighed once again.

I looked around; most people had crossed over, only the younger ones were left. Apparently they were met with difficulties, just like with Mike.

"Yes, you have to leave, but you can watch over them from the other side and I'm sure you can still see your mom's face, like she's standing right beside you. But you can't stay." I told him.

A small sob escaped from his throat and he sank down, holding his head in his hands. He looked so small and vulnerable; his shoulder rising up and down as his cries got louder.

He didn't look at me but I could see the tears running down his face. "I can't leave. I won't leave. What if I didn't cross over?" he challenged. I frowned.

What if he didn't cross? What if?

'What if I didn't pass this exam?', 'What if dad caught me?', 'What if he didn't like me liking him?', 'What if I didn't use drugs?', 'What if I stayed with my girlfriend?', 'What if I apologize to mom?'

Many human questions tend to begin with 'What If', I've noticed. It showed that their minds were full of uncertainties, the same uncertainties I have been filled with, lately.  
What If I was not an Angel? What If I was a human? What If I was the one who was being taken? What If I was the one who stood in front of me, being told to cross over?

I can't blame humans of being so uncertain. There are so many uncertainties in this world. Even my existence is still an uncertainty for humans. Not many of them believe that my kind exists, not until they die of course, you had to believe what you see. That's why I was here, to banish their uncertainty, to help them leave their uncertainties behind them so they can move on.

"You will eventually have to go, there's nothing you can do here. It's like taking another big step in your life. Like you're about to leave for college." I said.

No response. He just shook his head and refused to look at me, only his black hair moving in the wind.

I slowly walked towards him and sat down. "You're a good guy, Mike. Nothing bad is going to happened to you. Nothing bad will be waiting for you there." I reassured him. I know that some humans can get worried about this.

I lifted his head and caressed his damp cheeks, carefully wiping away his tears. I looked at his clouded eyes and smoothed his eyebrow, trying to take away his pain and anxiety.

"What will be waiting for me then? What am I going to do without my family? What if I am alone? Can't you come with me? I could sure use your company." He wondered. I smiled at his question.

"You will be happy there, Mike. You can do whatever you like. Maybe you'll drive around, flirting with whatever beautiful creatures exists there." I said, and I noticed the corner of his mouth twitch. "Do what you couldn't do when you were sick here. Or maybe you'll meet the other ones I helped and gossip about me. You'll be too busy to notice that you miss your family until one day, they suddenly pop up and run into you. It's not that bad. I wish I can join you. But I can't, I don't deserve to be there and the ticket is just for one person. You. And believe me; you don't want to waste your golden ticket." I smiled and took his hand, kissing it. He wasn't crying anymore. With his free hand, he wiped his eyes and sighed. I guess he understood.

"You sure?" he asked, still looking unsure.

I nodded. But the truth was that I wasn't sure. I didn't even know what kind of creatures would exist in heaven. But I'd do whatever it takes to help him move on.

"So I guess this is a goodbye then." He sighed.

He stood up and brushed off his pants. He looked back at me, offering me his hand, pulling me up too. We held hands and walked until my feet touched the water. The soft waves of the water, kissing my toes.

I turned to Mike. "I can't go any farther. You will have to go alone from here. But don't worry. I'll be watching from here until you're there." I squeezed his hand and let him go. He took a shaky step forward and suddenly turned back to me.

"This is for you. So there will be a 'little Mike' accompanying you at night. I hope there will be many of them on the other side. They bring luck." He smiled a sad smile.

He slipped his orchid between my ear and my hair, then kissed my cheek and took a deep breath. Finally he turned around and walked away.

"Don't worry. It will grow anywhere you go. No Mike no Orchid." I shouted my last words to him. He turned his head, mouthed a 'thank you' and then, after a wave and a smile, he was gone.  
Goodbye my friend. Goodbye Michael Campbell. I don't know for sure what will be waiting for you but I am sure there will be many orchids, wherever you go.

_End of Flashback_

"Tough day huh?"

Ellen's voice brought me back to the present. I no longer saw the twilight that was looming over me and Mike when I talked to him. No longer do I see him slowly disappearing away from me.

"Uh huh." I replied, sighing heavily.

"It's okay. You did a great job." She smiled, but I don't know what else to say, so I decided to just look at the 'Little Mike' in my hand. I didn't realize that it was almost dark until Ellen reminded me to go and stay over at the Hospital. So I headed back to Hospital while Ellen goes elsewhere, doing whatever business newborns can't handle.

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"Would someone get Doctor Collins…"

"I think Sue's ready to go home, we already spent so much time…"

"Just wait here, I have to go take care of…"

"C'mon sweetie, lets change your clothes…"

The hospital was very busy this evening. Nurses changing dirty bedsheet, some looking like they're going to pass out, children running and rushing, like the busy bees they are. Tiredness, frustration, desperation, worry, hopes. Coming at me from every direction, clouding my senses. I walk swiftly through a group of frustrated nurses and a tired doctor, heading to my favourite spot. The roof. Although it's not too high, I still can see the stars emerge every night, closer than if I stayed inside the hospital.

"Dr. Cullen, you're needed in third floor..."

A blur of pale blond hair passes me, giving me only a slight glimpse of the man rushing by one of the tired looking doctors I saw earlier.

That effectively banishes my perfect idea of enjoying the rest of night on the roof, winking back at the stars and play with the wind. Instead, I curiously follow their tracks to the upper floor as the doctor tells him about a woman's current condition.

Dr. Cullen. He was Mike's doctor. The one who came in the middle of the night and interrupted my talk with Mike. Yeah, I know who and what he is now and why he always wore that strange long thing around his neck. Thanks to Mike. He is a doctor; someone who takes care of humans and tries to heal them.

Apparently, there has been an accident in one of these new human inventions known as the 'car' and a pregnant woman is one of the victims. They're going to deliver the baby and they need Dr. Cullen to help because something complicated has happened.

I watched as he washes his hands.

There is something about him that is oddly familiar and I found myself being drawn to him like a magnet would to metal. He definitely erased all my guardian's opinions on humans. The way he walks reminds of flying, his voice isn't painfully loud, his eyes hold a strange warm butterscotch colour and the look of utter determination and concentration increases my curiosity for him.

"We did it..."

One of the doctor's triumphant cry breaks my chain of thoughts and I was brought back into the present. Dr. Cullen hands a baby to the second operation's attendant. Twins. Two beautiful bare baby girls, placed in a cradle in front of me. They were wrapped tightly in blanket.  
I stare at them. Glad two pure souls have generously graced us with their presence. While the nurses clean them up, I traced their soft cheeks with my fingertips. One of them looked at me; she was looking right at me. Unlike other humans who can't see us, babies can see us whenever they please.

I moved closer to the babies, one asleep and the other struggling to keep her tiny eyes open. From the corner of my eyes I see the doctors busy trying to prevent another motherless babies.

I use my powers to calm the awoken baby. It calms me down too. I feel really peaceful around them, like I'm flying through cloud nine. I allow a small grateful smile to grace my perfect face. Suddenly I feel another intoxicating calm presence approach, a rush of dizziness attacking me.

I stumbled back, trying to fully regain my senses. Too many sensations hit me and I stare at the babies with a frown on my face. How can two babies intoxicate me? I've been in baby wards, surrounded by many bundles of joy, but never like this.

I looked up and my eyes met the features a very beautiful man. Dr. Cullen. He looks concerned as he bends down to put his hands into one of the babies chest. He checked their pulse one by one and looks at them, compassion in his strange coloured eyes.

"Hello there, aren't you beautiful?"

He sighs. Slowly, to not to touch them, he traces their sleepy faces and grinned. I can tell he liked babies a lot. But there's a pain and sadness in his eyes that I cannot place.

"You should monitor their breathing, it seems rather shallow."

He instructs a nurse and leans away from the twins.

The clouds are starting to disappear from my mind, my vision getting clearer and clearer. He was too busy talking to the nurse to notice that one of the twins had woke up. She looked at me, smiling brightly although a newborn baby can't really see properly. I smiled back and silently welcomed them to the world.

Suddenly a realization hits me hard and I looked down, blinking my eyes vicariously several times. Dr. Cullen is done talking with the nurse and is making sure the babies are comfortable in their beds. I stared at him, frowning.

That's what I felt earlier! It's not from the babies! The intoxicating waves were coming from this strangely intriguing human. I didn't understand how an adult human being can have the same effect as a baby to me. How could this Dr. Cullen do that? Is it really him or am I starting to imagine things? He sure has a rather pure and calming aura around him, less innocent though. But still I find it very hard to stay away; I am drawn to him in the same way that my kind can never to resist a baby's charms. I took a step closer and examined him closer.

I was lost in my thoughts when the most remarkable thing happened. Suddenly, he straightened his back and leaned away from the babies, telling the nurse to take them away as he looked at me. I mean really looked right at me!

He looked straight into my eyes and I found that I couldn't make my body to move. I felt like time had frozen. He kept looking at me and I just realized that I was closer than I usually am comfortable with. His aura has less effect on me now, because the babies were away, but then I was intrigued by a new possibility.

What if he really can see me? What if for all this time he has noticed me? What if the night I took Mike away he sensed my presence? What if I can find consolation in him? What if he doesn't fear me? What if I can be friends with him? What if I made my presences known? Thousands of 'what ifs' ran through my mind at once. Making me dizzy once again.

I held my breath and leaned towards him, lifting my hand to slightly graze his hand.

"Can you see me?"

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**Well, how is it turned out to be? Reviews are still much more than welcomed. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here you go the Chapter 3. Anyway, I'd like to edit my error in previous chapter, it's not Team-Emmet-Cullen, but Team-Emmet-Cullen-Fan. She's been sick last month so this chapter was edited by Silvereyed Angel alone. Of course I can't forget about my wonderful reviewers.. Thank you Daniidomene, kelleygirl.**

**Welcome TrappedBetweenRealityAnFantasy and abaker9. You all chase my loneliness away.**

** Hemm... Get on with it!**

**

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**Chapter 3

"Can you see me?"

Everything suddenly became very still. It was like the time itself had frozen. Nothing mattered, no angels, no humans, no dead people, no crossing over, just me and him. The childish part of me screaming for him to notice me, hoping that he would be the first human that actually saw me, but the more logical part of me tried to deny the connection I felt towards him. Angels weren't meant to be seen by humans, at least not in this way.

All the magic around us disappeared as one of the other doctors nudged him. He shook his head and he banished my last hope. I sighed. This one too, thought me one of his hallucinations.  
He smiled and turned his back to the mother's body, giving the other doctor approval for something.

"What did you expect? For him to notice you? Didn't you ever learn to not dream too high for your reach? Time to wake up, missy."

I turned around quickly and found one of my kind, not as old as Ellen but definitely older than me, leaning against the wall in the corner. How long had he been watching me? He was wearing a black suit with rolled up sleeves.  
I raised my eyebrow, challenging him to keep talking. He chuckled and walked towards me.

"What? Don't be surprised. Your face clearly just screamed: Notice me!!!"

He raised his voice at the last part. What a teaser. I turned my back on him, intend to leave before he flung in front of me, grinning like a mad man. Well in this case; a mad angel.

"Hey, hey. Don't be offended! I'm just stating the obvious here. Jacob by the way"

I looked into his eyes, shining with his chuckle and didn't have any choice other than accept his offered hand. Soon melting into the sense of coming friendship.

"Isabella. Don't you have... I don't know soul to take?"

He chuckled at my question and followed me outside, to the window that faced the street. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and rested my head on the window-frame.

"Well, Isabella nice to meet you too. And no, I do not."

So what was he? He was definitely one of my kind, but I didn't sense the death around him, like a lot of us angels had. Staring at him intensely, I watched as he turned his attention to the scenery outside and back to me again. I watched his dark colored eyes changing from amusement to wonder and watched as many questions passed through his pretty, not so little head.  
As I did that I recognised my own expressions on his face. He had many questions swimming around, because only people, or rather, only angels, with many doubts and questions could carry that kind of expression. A kind of curiosity, confusion and excitement. All blend together in his face, producing a dreamy kind of look. I raised my eyebrows again, demanding another answer.

"What? I am not you. I'm not dealing with the death. I'm the guardian, you know?"

His hands made some kind of dance move. This boy was too happy to be an angel, I figured.

But then again, he is not dealing with the dead. I often found my kind, the ones that delivered death, looking impressively blank. Not depressed, not sad or angry or boring and definitely not happy. Just blank.  
This overjoyed boy was definitely the first joyful angel I've met within my kind. Well, Isabella meet Jacob the guardian. My subcouncious played a vivid drum-roll.

I nodded at him and shifted my legs, clearly uncomfortable with his light aura. My eyes also shifted, towards the now empty and dark corridor. In my point of view it appeared very peaceful, apparently it was not for this Jacob. He shivered slightly and looked at me.

"It's scary isn't it? Dreadful that I had to go here, can't really risk another gloomy place like this, it's not that great for my… You know, power, angel strength, aura whatever you call it."

He kept on blabbering and didn't even noticed it when I started walking away, heading upstairs. At least I could save half of my enjoyable night. It's wasn't too late to greet the stars.

"It's rude, you know, to leave when people are talking to you."

He huffed as he caught up with me, following in silence like a lost puppy. Maybe he is lost; after all he hasn't been here as often as I have. When I reached the roof I sat down on its highest tower.

"Then lucky me you're not actually a human."

I made a quote sign when I said that. He rolled his eyes and moved to sit beside me.

"It's beautiful here. I never knew thise kind of beauty existed."

Where has this boy been? Being a guardian must suck. I mean, I can't even think about life without being winked at by the stars or tickled by the wind up here. Not always _here _on the hospital roof, but at least I got to sit out there somewhere, enjoying the same scenery as I do right now. The star, the wind, the street, the night, the stillness…

"Why are you here? You do have human to take care of, don't you?"

He hung his head, his shoulders suddenly slumped. The warm and light aura I dimming.

"I'm jobless right now. One of your friends took my human. I guess I'm waiting for my new task."

After that neither of us said anything. We just sat and enjoyed the comfortable silence between us. There were a few doctors and nurses who went home, we saw them down at the parking lot. It was pretty late for a human.

"You're not staying with your victim?"

I shook my head. Why was I here? Why was I seated and doing literally nothing with a jobless, hyperactive, guardian angel?

"So Isabella what about the whole 'notice me' thing back there?"

I was surprised he still had the nerve to talk about him. After all no one messed around with death. But his self preservation must have been clouded with his happiness. I wasn't sure if he was happy, but he's sure looked that way all the time. None of us, the dead, have ever felt happiness. But it doesn't mean we're upset every single minute. They're not upset either. I didn't even know if Ellen was annoyed with my-want-to-know-all-attitude.

"Nothing. It's just, he's been noticing my aura slightly before."

I told him about the day I took Mike Campbell away, all that happened tonight, minus 'the sensation' thing.  
I couldn't believe Jacob not to call me a freak if I told him everything. I guessed I was going to find out alone. Or maybe with a little bit information from Ellen, that wouldn't hurt.

"Why don't you just pop out in his office, so you and him get to know each other?"

He smiled sheepishly. He was clearly not thinking right. For a moment I considered his over optimistic advice.  
_'Hello Dr. Cullen. I'm Isabella. By the way I'm a death angel.'_  
That would be a big success.

"You're pretty funny for an angel." I eventually decided to answer.

He shrugged. His black hair tossing around his head by the wind, it made him look boyish.

"I don't know how you guys work, but I always pop out in front of my human whenever they get lost."

His hands once again made dance moves. It reminded me to ask Ellen about this guardian angel thing, we were so different.

"Well you can't just show up and say 'hello I'm your death angel' can you? Imagine what a big success it would be." I told him, expressing my previous thought.

He look taken a back and lost in thought trying to digest my saying.

"Hmm… It's doesn't sound right."

He was deep, in his weird little mind, and I was lost in his funny expressions. I expected him to laugh at my sarcasm, not to take it this serious. Suddenly I found myself smirking at him. His confused face made it even more amusing, but one moment later he decided to forget everything that was in his mind just now and laugh with me. Now laughing because he clearly didn't have any idea what happened.

"So what are we talking about before?"

"I'm not sure. Unimportant."

We were once again consumed in the comfortable silence when the hospital door opened. From the roof I could see a tall and pale, blonde figure walking out of the hospital. It's nearly dawn and he just got out...  
Suddenly I got a brilliant idea. I stood up and appeared beside him. I could hear Jacob's shriek from the roof. Poor angel, he's not that bad when you get passed his overjoyed attitude. I hoped he got his his to be guarded human soon or else I didn't know how he was going to survive in 'that dark and gloomy place' as he put it.

The man's home was not so far from the hospital. Just a two story town house. Large, but empty, he lived alone. He put the key on the table near the door and hung his coat on a wooden stock beside it. His home is beautiful, but cold. No pictures, no sign of living relatives, I didn't thing Dr. Cullen ever expected guests.

Within seconds, he's in his room, taking a bath maybe. How did he do it? I definitely was not paying attention to anything other than to his home.  
I took my time to look around. There were some old articles about missing people in London, an article about an old man, a priest, and many more. I cannot read, as reading is not in my list subject back home.  
I went to the second floor and found him reading a thick book. Peeking at the clock, I read 5.00 a.m. and he didn't show any sign of tiredness, apart from the dark circle around his beautiful golden eyes. I watched him as he lost himself in the writer's World and unconsciously I drew closer and closer until I got the same drugged feeling I got in the hospital.  
I lost myself in him. I didn't even realize that I was this close until I felt his cold breath touch my skin.  
He looked up for a second and our eyes met.  
Surprised, I stood up quickly and as before, he caught my sudden movement. He seemed confused. It looked like he could see my sudden movement or feel my presence when we are close enough.  
He glanced around suspiciously and slowly put his book down. Just like in the opera, when the actor is expecting a thief or a murderer show up out of nowhere.  
I decided that this was enough for the day and I left him to his book and went back to my station at the 3th floor city hospital.

* * *

"I'd gladly leave with you, girl. You don't have any idea how long I've been waiting for you. Sometimes the idea of living longer made me sick."

I followed Jacob's advice, after a countless times of thinking and persuasion, to greet Mr. Leffrets, my third victim of the day, one of the elder of society and a Mr. I-have-the-world-under-my-clutch.  
But from what my angel eyes could saw, he was nothing more than a lonely rich, tired old man. Who wouldn't lonely if you were currently living in a very big castle by yourself? Your children and grandchildren rarely coming to visit, if not for inheritances.  
As I quote him: 'I would prefer living in a small cottage on the country side, in a house full of laughter and warmness, rather then living as the mighty Jonathan Leffrets.'

Humans are and always will be strange creatures. I never understood how human's minds work. They wanted bigger homes when they already had a warm loving wife waiting for them in a house full of life. They wanted to have a better job when they already had a nice one, with an excessive payment, enough to get their child into any prestigious school.  
And, something at which I completely lost, humans who had everything, who had what every man dreamed of, like Mr. Big Pocket here, craved to be someone else. They were never satisfied with the things god provided them with. It never occurred in their little weird minds that everything is not as simple as they thing.  
A rich man woken up by a bad dream about what his enemies are going to do next. And a poor man unable to sleep, thinking about what his children are going to eat tomorrow.

"Don't you have anything to take care of? Most ask for additional time to talk with their family members, that is why death send me. I'm your bonus time."

He shrugged, making me frown. Where are his childeren? Shouldn't they all be here? Where are those noisy people who always stick to him?

"But I'm not really a most people am I?"

I nodded in defeat even though he could not see me in the darkness and shadows.  
Here I stand, waiting in his private room the hospital had always prepared for more important patients. It was all in white just like any other room, just bigger.

"Come on, show yourself. Come out of your hiding place."

I slowly walked out of the shadows in the corner. I wore my usual white sundress and ribbon in my brunette hair. I stopped halfway, far enough for me to get back to my shadow, should any doctors decide to run in, but close enough for him to feel my angel radiance. I just stood there, not knowing what to do anymore. What _can_ you do to comfort a lonely, broken hearted, rich old man?

"You come here often?"

I nodded. After all, this place was practically my office. His eyes became sad and teary, but they were kind. He looked so vulnerable and old, caring.  
I couldn't take it anymore and closed the gap between us resting my head on his lap. I felt him smile and slowly caress my hair. He craved for human touch and simple affections.  
Lifting my bare feet, I curl up into a ball beside me. His bed is larger then most, he was right saying he's not likemost, it would be enough to have two more angel curled up besides him.

"A beauty like you shouldn't even grace the earth. A lot of evil things were done here, my dear. A lot of things can hurt your fragile feelings."

I closed my eyes, embraced the feel of being loved, even when I couldn't really feel it.

"Then god is wise, for I can't feel anything. Cold, warmth, hate, love, pain, happiness, sadness. I know none of that."

He suddenly stopped with whatever he was doing. I looked at him through my eyelashes and smiled, assuring him that everything's okay. He sighed.

"Maybe someday you'll find the one who can teach you how to feel"

"Yeah, maybe."

It's time. Like before, I stood up and reached for his face. And…. Beep… the sound has no effect on me anymore. I watched as his face fell into a deep peaceful slumber. I watched as a doctor and nurse running in bringing some medical tools. Knowing it won't help.

* * *

"So tell me what was your favorite part?"

"I'm not sure. I'm divided between the shocked expression when he saw you or when he finally found you're a coldhearted bitch."

I hit Jacob's shoulder lightly, he grinned. Jacob has been my friend for awhile now. I am never bothered by his presences anymore. Let's say he's a special present that came directly from god to make my existence like hell.  
I'm kidding. He's fine. A fine friend, a fine guy, a fine angel. Even now when he already has a bunch of humans to guard, he still finds the time to come by and say hi. Don't ask me how he manages it. He is, after all, a full grown, hyperactive, guardian angel.

I shook my head. No matter how much time I have spent with Jacob, he still manages to make me shake my head in disbelieve. Today, he was off duty, as he called it, so he decided to grace me with his cheerful presence.  
He followed me like he did the first day I met him, so he's not going to get lost, even if he's not too familiar with this place, after he whined to me about letting him see my work

"How about you?"

We were walking towards the doctor's lounge, it being empty in the middle of a busy day like this. It's in the middle of spring term and my senses feel the nature starting to rise.

"Not a big deal for me. I do 'that' a lot."

Jacob made a face and snorted.

"You're no fun."

I laughed, before snapping my head up.

"Some say this place is full of the dead, makes sense really with the amount of death people here." I heard somebody whispering at the end of the hallaway. An equally whispered answer coming from beside the first voice.

"I swear I feel something pass whenever they bring bodies to the morgue."

Human super self-preservation instinct. I already heard stories like this, even Jacob said that in other parts of the world they have rituals to protect their kind from death.  
Like that could prevent us.  
I followed them eager to hear more about the 'passing' things.

"Yes and next time maybe you would like to bring the corpse yourself, Miss Abbott, Miss. Colt."  
The head of nurses was a strick old woman. Everyone here respected her because of her age and of course her sharp tongue. They said you could bleed just by hearing her speak.  
Their talking didn't interest me, naturally, but just before I walk away with Jacob I heard him.

"I think you should continue with your job, ladies. Madam, you look pale, one day rest wouldn't hurt, really."

"Oh nonsense. Somebody has to discipline those girsl. Good evening to you Dr. Cullen."

I appeared beside him. Noticing the faint trace of blush on the woman's face before she walked off the other way.

I followed him everywhere for the rest of the day, not even realize that Jacob was still trailing after me, until he stopped me.

"So is this your new job? Isn't that the same doctor of when we were first met?"

I nodded, still unwilling to peal my eyes off of the man.

"His home. Is that where you go off every night?"

I nodded once again. I didn't expect him to stop the questions, so when I was suddenly greeted with a rare silence I turned my head towards him. His eyes so dark that I couldn't do anything but imagine the night sky above me.

"Then what in god's name are you meant to do?"

His voice shook slightly, but the question pierced through me, surprised me. I honestly couldn't answer him, my mouth hanging open like a fish looking for water. I looked between Jacob and Dr. Cullen who was now tucking some children in.

"I don't know." I looked at his eyes and dejectedly sighed, " I really don't know."

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**I know it's not really good, kinda rushy I think. So tell me if you want more about Bells and Jake relationship or just get on with officially meeting Carlisle? And please.. review. Let me know you're there.... :D**


	4. Chapter 4

Well, this chapter suppose to show the quarell between Jacob and Bella, and when Jacob away Bella would have some quality time with our beloved doctor. So expect some carlisle/bella soon dear readers... This chapter was beta-ed by **Silvereyed Angel** and **Team-Emmet-Cullen-Fan. **Thank you for the review though not much but still greatly appreciated, welcome bundysarah. And of course for my other invisible reader it's recommended to _start drop me some review_.

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Chapter 4.

"What do you mean, you don't know? What's that supposed to mean, you don't know?" His voice had completely changed into what wasn't the voice of the Jacob I had known all this time. His whole body shook, and for a moment, I could see the other side of Jacob, the unbelievable one. The Jacob that never came out, that had never been allowed to come out when he was with me.

"Easy... Easy, boy. What is with you today?" I asked, trying to calm him down.

His jaw was set, his fists clenched tightly and kept at his side. I took a step away from him, every fiber of my being telling me to stop him. Whatever he was doing, it was bad, not healthy. I had to stop him. Should he explode, it should at least be not in the hospital. I could see other angels looking over at us. This isn't good, not good at all.

"Hey… Whatever it is, stop it, okay? You're making a scene. Come on Jacob." I pulled him away, out of there and to our roof. The sky had blackened out now and it was pretty windy. Maybe it would calm him down, maybe it would stop whatever it was that made him like this. I could hear him taking a deep breath. That was good. I heard that deep breaths helped in situations like this. But hell, I didn't even understand what this 'situation' was.

"Feeling better?" I patted his shoulder, but he shrugged me off. Well – wait! This is Jacob we're talking about. Normal Jacob would definitely not shrug my hand off.

"Feel like explaining that to me?" I asked. He finally looked at me. "What happened down there? I actually feared you were going to explode!"

"You can't fear anything, not even for your soul." Jacob snickered. It was unlike the usual light hearted snicker I was used to. This was completely different. I shook my head in disbelief. If he wasn't going to explain anything, I was not going to push it any further.

"You, of all angels in this whole universe, can't even fear for yourself, for god's sake, Isabella, do you know what could happen?" he asked.

"I don't think I do. What are we talking about, Jacob? Start at the beginning please, my dear." I said. I patted the space beside me, inclining him to sit down, and hoping that whatever it was that made him so stressed would not be too serious. I patiently waited for him; but unfortunately, it took a couple of hours before he finally opened his mouth.

"When you're an angel, there are certain circumstances, certain rules that are unwritten but followed by all angels without question. Of course, there have been some who acted against those, but they haven't been left unpunished. I don't think you know that, do you?"

"I… Which laws are we talking about right now?" I watched him carefully.

"The law between us and humans." He answered. I felt like laughing; of course I knew the law. I knew it by heart and accepted it. But by the look on Jacob's face, I decided laughing was not the best idea.

"I don't think mine and yours is that different, Jake." I tried to use my nickname for him. "Should I recite it for you?" He nodded his reply.

"We must take what is ours to take and never touch what is not ours to touch. We must conceal ourselves and walk the earth in the most inconspicuous way. We shall not show…" and I stopped. Suddenly, Jacob glared at me and I couldn't stop myself from hesitating. Jacob had never glared at me before. It increases my fascination for him. What more did he conceal from me? Finally, after some moments of glaring, he averted his eyes elsewhere and I took it as sign to continue.

"We shall not show ourselves to one that shall not see…" Sounds weird. I peered at Jacob; he still wasn't looking at me. Sigh. "And last and the most important of all, we are not made out of mercy, we take and leave none behind. That is pretty much about it."It was past midnight, the alley completely deserted. Most occupants of the hospital were already asleep, either because of exhaustion or pain.

"Textbook. You must be an excellent student." Jacob sounded bitter.

"I've never been in school. You know that, Jacob." I told him. He nodded. "If you don't want to tell me, then fine. I'll just leave, because unlike you, I have a long list of souls I have to take and between you and me; it takes a lot more than just a kiss on the forehead." I whispered the last part, like we were a couple of children sharing a secret. Truth be told, I've been neglecting my job lately, thanks to Dr. Cullen and partly because of Jacob. God knows where I would be when Ellen returns from France.

"I am worried." I heard him whisper. It was so soft that I almost missed it. I knew he was worried but of what; I was dying to know. I walked back to him again.

"I am worried for you. For what you did, for what you intended to do. '_We shall not show our self to one that shall not see_.' That's pretty clear to me. Please tell me which part you don't understand, that makes you stick shamelessly to that human, if that is what he is."

"What do you mean? I haven't shown myself to anyone but my token souls, my victims. You're wasting your worry." I replied.

"Yet. You haven't showed yourself yet. But I know, just by looking in those brown eyes of yours, that if you were allowed to, you'd jump at the opportunity and present yourself." He stared at me.

"Not true. I haven't thought of such nonsense." Even though the idea was always in the back of my mind, I wouldn't admit it, not aloud, not to Jacob. I couldn't admit that I forgot the rule. I could see Jacob fussing over me for the next 3 months if I ever allowed that confession to be released from my lips.

"Just…" He paused and took a deep breath. He grabbed my face and forced me to look into his eyes, making me crane my neck in order to look at his tanned face, he's so tall. "Do you know the punishment you will get, should you ever show yourself to him? I could lose you forever." There's the Jacob I know.

"He intrigued me." I said.

"So much you would risk your life?" he raised an eyebrow at me. I was lost for words. Spending time with Dr. Cullen was just as simple as what Jacob and I do right now. I never thought I could be punished for it, let alone lose my life.

"As long as I don't show myself intentionally."

He finally let go of my face and sighed. "I don't know if the rules still apply to him but you should at least take precaution."

"I told you I haven't shown myself… wait. Still apply? What do you mean, 'still apply to him'? You talk about him as if he wasn't…" I frowned at Jacob's wording.

"Human. He isn't human."

I gasped. So it's true, he isn't human. Maybe that's why he feels different from the others. But if he is not human, then what is he?

"He is a vampire." Jacob answered my thoughts, like he could read my mind.

"Vampire, as in a dark, bloodthirsty, burn in the sun kind of creature?"

He shrugged. I couldn't believe it; Dr. Cullen didn't seem like a vampire. Inhumanly beautiful, yes. Caring, loving and a little lonely, but bloodthirsty? Part of me had to agree with Jacob, for it explained the sleepless nights, that same loneliness, his habit of never eating. Another part of me protested against it. Dr. Cullen was just too sacred to be a vampire, if such creature even existed outside of Jacob's head.

"You're joking, right? If you are, it's not really the time to make a joke, Jacob." I said, trying to wrap my mind round the idea.

"Look at me. Do I look like I'm joking?" No, he was clearly not joking. "That's not the point. Whatever he is, it doesn't matter and it is not going to be my problem. The point is; are you ready to lose everything you have now?"

"Jacob, you're acting like I'm leaving."

"You are. If you are going to stick around him, you are bound to slip. God forbid it, for him to see you. But you're going to slip eventually."

"I can't slip, he can already see me."

"No way." He shook his head. I nodded, showing him I spoke the truth.

"When we first met, he looked at me like he really could see me. And when I was at his house, or any other occasions, he feels me. He is different." I explained to him.

Jacob turned his back at me, huffing.

"For all this time I have gone unnoticed. I talk to people that walk through me. I am not you, Jacob, I don't have permission to pop out of nowhere and greet random people. So when he almost sees me, it feels like finally I have my redemption. I feel like, if I just wait one more day and try, he _will_ be able to see me. And I don't want anything more than I want that. To have a friend."

As soon as the last words came out, I knew we would be different; there would be no Jacob in my day anymore. The second the word was out I knew I had hurt him, though there was nothing I could possibly want more than to take them back.

"I thought I was your friend." And with that, he walked away. Away from me and, if I guessed right, away from my life, if I had one in the first place.

* * *

"Those are the whisperers." Ellen pointed to a girl with fair, curly hair and a familiar white knee length dress, hovering above human who seemed busy with a phone at the hospital.

"What do they do?" I asked.

"They…" Ellen stopped and looked at me, contemplating something. She got her 'I'm-somewhere-far-away' look on her face. She snapped out of it a couple of minutes later. "Whisperers. They whisper."

I looked at the girl once again, she looked frustrated. Her face scrunched up, her hands twitched as if she were holding herself from shaking the human in front of her. Then she started to talk hastily.

"Whisper?" I unconsciously asked.

"Yes, they whisper things to humans." Ellen and I started to walk away from the scene.

"How so?"

"They whisper things, clues, to humans. Some call them their conscience."

"And the humans can hear them?"

"Technically, yes." Trust Ellen to speak in riddle.

So they were _technically_ heard by humans. Why is it that all angels, except for my kind, could speak to humans? If I were the whisperer, what would I say? I was soon lost in those thoughts. I could talk to Dr. Cullen; we could make some kind of mental connection. _That would be fun._

"What would be fun?" If I didn't know Ellen, I would think she could read my mind. I must have unintentionally spoken the last part out loud.

"The whisperer, I mean, talking to humans looks like more fun than talking to the dead."

"Of course. I already guessed you would think so. Wait till you feel their desperation." Ellen snickered. I looked at her amusedly. So that's another plus point, they could feel.

"Desperation takes every fiber of their being when humans refuse to hear them and choose to rely on their knowledge, experience, prejudice, arrogant selves." She talked passionately. Malice was in her voice, yet I didn't see any in her eyes. They were their usual cold blue, as cold as the deep sea and as blue as the sky.

"They're desperate? I don't understand."

"Of course you don't, my dear. Here sit. Let me enlighten you." Her sickening sweet voice sounded strange to me. We just crossed the road and sat down in the carriage with a man who just came home from a long journey out of town, completely unaware of the fact that he had two death angels as companions.

"The whisperer… As I already said, they talk to humans, technically but… "

"Technically as in…" I interrupted her, before I got even more confused with her story.

"Technically, as in they talk in humans heads. When you get confused, there are two, or sometimes more voices, talking in your head, fighting about which one is right and which is wrong, good or bad, white or black. Of course you wouldn't know, but that is what happens when humans get confused or just simply think too much."

I nodded.

"Well, the whisperers talk to humans, but they are not always heard. Sometimes when humanity clouds a human's mind, they are ignored, even when they warn the humans for their own safety. They talk but are never heard, not often anyway."

So even they had limits in their advantage.

"There's this wall that keeps humans from hearing them. Pride, knowledge, environment, certain beliefs, paradigm, perception, experiences, property, and such things keep humans from hearing them. They could do many things, yet they are so powerless. Imagine being ignored, when you know a simple word can save your human. It's tragic."

We stepped out of the carriage and walked towards the hospital. I couldn't say anything; Ellen seemed lost in her mind too. I remembered the whisperer's face. They were so sad, so frustrated, longing to give up, yet they couldn't because it is what they were created for. Desperation sounds bad.

"Look at that man. He is about to do something that he will regret for the rest of his life. The little girl can't stop him, even though she is a whisperer."

I saw a young man with a nice coat, green and silver lined; calmly walking with a cane in his right hand. But I could see through the charade, his palm moist with sweat and he looked pale. The cane is to cover his trembling hand. In his eyes, I saw determination and a glint of desperation. Beside him trailed a frail little girl, trembling, trying to touch him, to shake him. Like the one earlier, she talked so fast that I couldn't catch a word. She floated around him, but finally gave up. I saw her shudder and walk beside the young man, no longer feeling the need to talk or to stop whatever he was going to do.

"What _is_ he going to do?"

Ellen unwillingly took her eyes off of the little girl and looked at me. "Murder." Then she looked back at the young man and the whisperer, as they disappear around the corner of the street. "He is going to deliver us lost souls." With that, she continued our walk to the hospital.

"Shouldn't she have a power or something, to help her talk his mind out of murdering his own child… and the mother?" I asked

"Oh, but they do have powers. They can read minds, that is why they know when and what to whisper. But that's it, they can't change others minds or change the future. They can whisper to humans, but can't show themselves. As far as humans are concerned, they are just the voice of doubt in their minds."

I sighed. Life is hard, even for angels. I couldn't imagine the failure and disappointment the little girl would probably feel right now.

"Unlike guardians, who can show themselves to their intended; the whisperers, like us, can not. That makes their job hard."

At the mention of guardian, my body visibly stiffens. Fortunately, Ellen was too busy talking and reading through her list for a month ahead, she didn't notice me transform into statue. Jacob and I had not reconciled yet. I hadn't seen him for quite a long time, or at least, it feels like a long time since our last conversation on the roof. I had started to avoid the roof, entertaining myself elsewhere.

"That's enough for today." She dismissed me, but before she disappeared to god-knows-where, I grabbed her.

"If you don't mind me asking, why are you always telling me about angels? When are we going to start with humans?"

She stared at me for a moment. "Humans can't be described in words; that is just impossible. There's no way to learn about humans, apart from observation. So we definitely are not going to discuss humans, for that would waste my time greatly. Look around, taste everything you can feel from the death, familiarize yourself with their emotions, remember little things, that is… the only way you can learn about humans."

Before I could ask more, she disappeared. She was disappearing a lot lately. I knew that at some point she would disappear altogether and I would have to endure the world all by myself, but I hoped it was not this fast. I still had unanswered questions in my mind, and I preferred her to be here, solidly to answer it. I once again sighed deeply.

I decided to visit our roof. I couldn't think of it as mine. Maybe before I had met Jacob, but not now. We had spent a lot of time together up here; I considered the roof unofficially ours. Like there were invisible markers with Jake and Bells on top of it, warning other mythical creatures to stay away from it. I hoped he still secretly visited the roof, unlike me who avoided it like the plague.

The sun was setting, spreading its red and orange colors over the leaves. The wind blew soflty, the air shifting around me, wrapped me in a giant invisible cocoon. I inhaled slowly as I walked to the edge of the roof. The wind caress my bare arms as I closed my eyes and opened my palm feeling the nature around me.

One think that I most grateful with being an angel is that I could sense the power of nature pulsing deep down of every being. The power that has given human live all this time. It course through the ground, through every single leaves on every plant. Course within every inch of every blood vessel in human body. Human is literally full of live and I could clearly see and feel every drop of live on them.

The nature is on its top this month. Their power pulsating likes a blood on human body and I'm giddily feast on it. I feel it run in the ground up to my bare feet racing with my non existence blood spread to every part of my body as my hand tingling on its sensation. I took one step closer to the edge willing myself to see a terrifyingly beautiful view. Terrifying because I would be painfully died on the ground should I slip, fortunately I wasn't mere mortal, height had never been a problem before. I spread my arms, while I silently mourned for the loss of a friend. I was too occupied with the memories of Jacob that I didn't hear a gush of wind and sudden presence behind me until it spoke.

"That is completely suicidal, don't you think?"

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**The end... haha.. Who would that be? Is bella, angel of death, suicidal now? lol..**

**Review me or else... or else... (I'm taking approximately 2 hours to think an incredibly dreadful threat but still found none.. so pretend that It's something terrifiying)**


	5. Chapter 5

So this is it, the long awaiting chapter about how bella and carlisle meet. I know it's shorter than the usual but I want to dedicate one special chapter for that special occasion. This chapter was beta-ed by **Silvereyed Angel **and **Team-Emmet-Cullen-Fan**. Thank you for my reviewers, welcome abroad _Kingswear_ and _kale.1987_, and of course thank you for everyone who put my story into their favorite/alert story.

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_The sun was setting, spreading its red and orange colors over the leaves. The wind blew soflty, the air shifting around me, wrapped me in a giant invisible cocoon. I inhaled slowly as I walked to the edge of the roof. The wind caress my bare arms as I closed my eyes and opened my palm feeling the nature around me._

_One think that I most grateful with being an angel is that I could sense the power of nature pulsing deep down of every being. The power that has given human live all this time. It course through the ground, through every single leaves on every plant. Course within every inch of every blood vessel in human body. Human is literally full of live and I could clearly see and feel every drop of live on them._

_The nature is on its top this month. Their power pulsating likes a blood on human body and I'm giddily feast on it. I feel it run in the ground up to my bare feet racing with my non existence blood spread to every part of my body as my hand tingling on its sensation. I took one step closer to the edge willing myself to see a terrifyingly beautiful view. Terrifying because I would be painfully died on the ground should I slip, fortunately I wasn't mere mortal, height had never been a problem before. I spread my arms, while I silently mourned for the loss of a friend. I was too occupied with the memories of Jacob that I didn't hear a gush of wind and sudden presence behind me until it spoke._

_"That is completely suicidal, don't you think?"_

* * *

"That is completely suicidal, don't you think?" I whirled around so fast that everything, the people beneath, the orange sky above, the forest at the edge of horizon, blurring into green, orange, grey and white. I was so startled that if I was mortal I would have already splattered my insides at the road below and screams would be heard all over the alley for hours, because of a slip in a moment of surprise. Angels, death angel at this, don't get startled easily.

There, the owner of the deep, silky, rich sound that had shaken me out of my reverie. A pair of golden brown eyes were staring back at me, carefully assessing me with surprisingly warm yet calculating eyes. His voice sounded light but his tense figure told a different story. His statue-like posture was slightly crouched as his gaze darted between my eyes and my feet. His jaw was clenched, yet his eyes told the whole world how much he cares for others.

I didn't realize I had company, let alone seen by said company. I didn't hear his supposed thudding footsteps, rustling clothes, or any sign that he was approaching. And come to think of it, I didn't even feel the usual pulsating live in him.

I unconsciously fondled with the hem of my skirt, wondering if I was finally careless enough to let my disguise down. For a moment all I could do was look at him, afraid that if I let my eyes wander away, even for just a second, he would disappear and I would once again be invisible. Could he really see me?

He took a step closer but still maintains his distance as if he was afraid to make a sudden move. "It's a rather beautiful day, don't you think, lady…"

"Isabella." I said curtly

"Lady Isabella. It's rather windy though but still a fun day for an outing, I say." He said, quite casually

My brain went completely dead, if that could explain what was happening to me. I couldn't even move any muscle and definitely loss my ability to form a coherent word. All these months, I tirelessly tried to make him notice me like the first time I met him. I shamelessly hung onto empty hopes yet when god finally granted me my ultimate desire I suddenly lose my voice, even for something so simple as to talk about the weather.

If he, against all odds, could suddenly see me, could a man who is just passing the road see me? What if other angel caught me conversing with him? What would Ellen do if she were me? What Jacob would do?

I looked behind me, down into the street. Some humans were passing through but not terribly crowded like earlier. I guess no one could see me, yet, for it would be chaotic if they notice a girl was standing so close to the edge with bended arm as if ready to jump.

"If it's not too much to ask, what are you doing so close to falling, Isabella?"

I was definitely not close to falling. I didn't show any sign that I would soon let myself fall. I didn't feel his intoxicating spell yet. Maybe if we moved close enough, I would be drugged enough to let myself fall.

"I'm not falling." I said calmly as he sighed.

"Yet." He got that calculating look back in his eyes. "Come. I think it's better if you step down, child. You almost give me a heart attack." He offered his pale long hand. I once again didn't realize that he was already so close to me.

"I don't think that would do, sir." I was contemplating my choice. I could take his hand, step down and probably have a chance to talk more with him, in secret of course, or I could stay here and ask him politely to mind his own business now that I know he indeed has the ability to see me and left him alone.

"And I don't think trying to end your life would do either." He moved his hand to his pocket, his face was completely calm but his voice held so much urgency that I almost complied, forgetting that he, a human, should not tell me, a death angel, what to do. I decided to sit, my feet hanging over the hedge. I was not yet sure if it was safe to converse with him but I was definitely sure that I did not want him to leave.

"And what would make you think that I would do that, sir…" I asked, trailing off, letting him tell me his name.

"Carlisle. I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen." He said.

"You work here I believe?" Of course he does.

"Yes, did you happen to be a patient? If you are, I am dragging you back to your bed." He said very calmly.

"I am not. Sorry to distinguish your chance to drag me down, doctor." I sheepishly smiled. He looked more relaxed but still strictly guided.

"Still, I insist that you get down here, you could catch a cold especially with your attire." I looked back down to the deserted street, to the forest that now look farther than it's supposed to be, and to his outstretched hand. I looked down again, the dimming street below feels safer but the hand in front of me feel tempting.

What he did was beyond my comprehension, what he was thinking; reaching out his hand for the dead. It is so unheard of. I looked down to the street and saw humans, mingled with angels; this was not exactly how I wanted to meet Dr. Cullen. I was hoping he could see me on his way home or at a more secretive place.

"You better not look down, sweetie. Hey... hey... come on look at me. Step down and we could talk through whatever bothering you at safer place." He almost sounds frantic.

Indeed, I could take his hand and talk in a safer place. Rooftop with open air screaming, not safe. I slowly lifted my hand and slipped my little one into his. He grabbed my hand and softly pulled me away from the edge. His hold was firm but gentle as if he was trying to not hurt me, – yeah as if he could hurt me. Try cutting me with a sharp knife, I wouldn't feel a thing—I finally regained the function in my legs and with Dr. Cullen's help, I stepped closer to him.

He took off his white coat and slips it on my shoulder. I murmured a thank you, even though I didn't really need a coat, but still, it's pretty cold out here, I guess. Silence crept between us; it wasn't the nice-comfortable-kind-of-silence that often hung between me and Jacob. There was suspense in the air, like we were both waiting for each other to say something. Which was probably true.

"Shall we?" he said, holding his arm out. I slipped my hand through his elbow and followed his lead, probably to the stairs that connected the upper floor of the hospital and the roof.

"I believe you haven't answered my question yet, my lady?" I kept silent, content to savour my limited moment with him.

"What were you doing up there?" he questioned.

"I was enjoying the sunset. It is rather a beautiful day, is it not?" I shrugged.

He quirked an eyebrow in astonishment at my answer. "Indeed." He smothered his expression back to his usual calm and blank looks. We walked side by side until he finally stopped at the end of the stairs, which means the upper floor of the hospital. There was a hidden corner under the stairs, secluded enough for us to hold a decent conversation without fearing for interruption, mortal or immortal. I took my hand away and stood in front of him.

"And pray tell me, Dr. Cullen, what were you doing up there?" He contemplated his answer for awhile and hesitantly answered, "Stopping a suicidal." It was more a question than a statement, which I couldn't help but smirk at. "I guess." He added, and that was my last straw before I finally grinned, like a mindless girl, as he chuckled.

Then with a last amused look, he turned his head to the window beside him. Surrounded by winter breeze and impressive looking twilight, that, my dear reader, was how I officially meet Dr. Cullen. How I met Carlisle, as I would later call him.

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So how is it? So far so good?

The idea (carlisle thought that Isabella was suicidal) suddenly come to me when I was eating my favorite chocolate ice cream (bless every ice cream in the world), even though I gain some weight I still writing with my ice cream. lol.

Anyway, review pleaseee... or I won't write with my ice cream again and definitely won't be any update soon! (I'm getting better at threatening people, yeah!)


	6. Chapter 6

This is so far the longest chapter I've ever wrote. Thank you for **abaker9** and **UrieNanashi** for the reviewing when everyone else did not *sobbing*. This chapter beta-ed by **Silvereyed Angel.**

I know you all want some Bella/Carlisle real interactions but I can't give that without showing how much struggle Bella had been through to decide to stay. And this is bordering to bitter Bella, because she just lost her friend, Jacob, and now really confused as to what to do regarding her circumstances with Carlisle. Enjoy!

aaanndd I own twilight saga. Really! Just when I lay on my bed, peacefully asleep. lol.. XD

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Chapter 6**  
**

For as long as I have lived, as a death angel, I have learned that everything about a human's life circled around choices. Not their family, their bloodline and not even their achievements define what they are, it is what they choose. Every single second that passes is full of choices. Let me list it for you:  
From the moment you wake up you have the choice of getting up or go to sleep again; breakfast in bed or joining your family in the garden, underneath the bright morning sun with some bread and jam, or perhaps you would prefer to take a bath first.  
You could take a walk with your oh-so-distant fiancée and talk about the arranged marriage or you could choose the quick escape, like the girl in front of me.

It was cloudy and windy that night, with a scent of rain hanging in the air. One could guess that it was going to rain sooner or later. Perfect weather for a suicide attempt. It dramatized the whole scene a bit, don't you think? Of course you can't really call it an attempt, as she must have succeeded in the end. I wouldn't be here if she hadn't.

There are a lot of solutions to unwanted life; poison, a straight stab through the heart, wrist slicing, self-hanging, self drowning and many other more complicated actions.  
Of all suicidal endings, this was one of the most cliché of all, jumping off a bridge in a complete bridal costume. I could imagine the fuss she would make once she was sent; in a long white dress, completely drenched like an abandoned cat.

I looked at the girl beside me, shaking with fear and determination. Of course I wouldn't notice if I was human. Besides, I was on the front row; making me extra aware of any little gesture she made. I took my seat beside her trembling form, my legs dangling off the bridge. I looked down and saw her blur reflection in the river. The river itself held no fascination to me like any other sight of nature would. It wasn't the cleanest river of the world, I noticed things floating here and there, sometimes stuck in some plants at the riverside. If I were her I would have chosen a better place, without the foul smell and garbage to end myself in. Not that I would choose drowning as my last living act.

The girl was clutching her robe tightly against her body as she placed a tiny bottle on the rail of the bridge. She took off the robe she was wearing revealing a beautiful white dress that hid her bare feet and showed off her shoulder. The dress was covered in white lace and some pearls were nestled in the hem of the dress, enough for anybody who would see her to know she was from a rich and influential family. Her blonde hair was arranged into a messy bun and covered with some small flowers. Her high cheekbones made her face look so cold and aristocratic, yet her eyes told me everything. She was beautiful in an 'I'm-going-to-jump-off-the-bridge' kind of way.

Her breath started to heave as the scent of fear heightened in the air. I almost started to think a panic attack would end her life instead of the drenching away her beautiful gown in a foul smelling river. She was really in dire need of guidance in choosing a better place for suicide. She took a couple of deep breaths and hastily wiped the tears that had ran down her cheek away, smearing her face on the way, while I rechecked the list to make sure that she was still going to jump in a moment.

I sighed and tried to get myself comfortable before the show as she finally pushed herself into a standing position, trying to not stumble on her own dress, and climbed on the rail of the bridge.  
Told you so, the dress was going to be a nuisance. She drank from the tiny bottle and after a couple of minutes of clutching her throat and whimpering, she fell.

I clapped in my head and waited for another few minutes until I was sure that she was completely in the water, because I couldn't risk the odds of her dying without actually drowning, and I unwillingly jumped in. I saw she was still conscious; the potion had not completely worked.  
I lightly touched her temple and ran my fingertips down to her chin; she was torn between trying to breathe and letting the black dot in her vision overpower her. Her body needed her to kick back up and draw air for her burnt lungs but her brain was telling her that this was what she wanted.  
I slowly sucked the soul out of her body as it finally gave up. It was neither an easy nor a painless death.

In the blink of an eye, I settled myself on the riverside and five seconds later a pale, blonde and very much wet bride appeared beside me. I could smell her confusion and dread as she held her hand against her chest in a defensive manner and whipped her head like she was expecting some kind of threat. I turned away from her floating body in the river and greeted her.

"Congratulations. You have successfully died." I spread my arms and mockingly bowed to her. She rubbed her arms and slightly shivered as she took a careful step towards me.

"So this is it?" she asked. I looked at her impassively and turned back as I heard people shouting when they discovered the girl's body. "I was quite theatrical don't you think?"

"You are wet."

"Oh, I am, aren't I?" she chuckled. "Is it going to be permanent?" she said as she wrung out her dress. I glanced at her again; I didn't know the answer to that. Most people appeared beside me with a clean set of whatever it was they wore when they died. But I heard some people, the special cases, *cough* suicide *cough* didn't. They wore exactly the same clothes they had wearing when they died, imagine spluttered of blood, burnt fabric and all of the results of suicide attempts.

When she was sure that I was not going to answer her she huffed and continued to squeeze the water out of her dress, which proved to be hopeless. I watched as people pulled her body out of the water and screams of help echoed in the darkness of the night.  
Or rather, the sun would be rising in a couple of hours, so I couldn't say it was night. I was really wasting my time here, watching people fuss over a dead body when I could go back to the hospital and look deeper into my circumstances with Dr. Cullen.

"I am Mary, well most people called me Mary because Margaret was just too much of a mouthful." She looked at me expectantly.

"I am Isabella."

"There you go. We're already off to a good start."

I started walking away from the river and towards her house. Long night, big job…

"And what exactly are you? I've heard myths about death and you don't look like it….. "

I sighed. With her rambling along the way I didn't think any day could possibly be longer than this one.

"I mean, I don't understand. What… how… why did he do that?"

Mary was more than shocked to know that her fiancée loved her all along. She hadn't thought that behind his distant façade, he really loved her, loved her enough to ask his father to help him arrange her marriage to him. She'd thought it was all their parents' idea and he was still too much in love with his past girlfriend to notice his present fiancée. When she arrived at his room, she was surprised to see the usual neat room was now a mess with the owner nowhere to be found. She was more surprised to see him huddled in the corner of a room full of paintings, paintings of her, while he was clutching a small photo of her. She stood motionless in front of the trembling form of her ex-fiancée, now that she had died.

The room could be called nothing but a mess, the paintings were thrown all over the place, broken furniture, pieces of a broken vase were scattered everywhere and the wall… Let just say it was going to cost a pretty high amount of the precious fortune. I could hear Mary vainly talking to her depressed fiancée and her frustrated cry at his back as I walked around the room.

I looked at the paintings; there were lots of Mary-paintings, which I believed were his own drawings. Mary laughing, Mary eating, reading a book in a garden full of rose bushes, Mary looking out the window, Mary standing, looking as regal as ever. He was a wonderful artist. I thought the paintings were captured rather than painted. The way he captured Mary's emotions in his paintings were enough prove that he was obsessed with her.

"This is not what I planned! I thought he… I thought... I thought that… "She was on the verge of hysteria when we got out of his house. Her eyes brimmed with tears.

"Could we… could you…? I mean could I…"

"No." I quickly dismissed whatever impossible idea she had. I had a faint idea of what she would have ask a moment before, just like any other human who wasn't quite ready to accept death. But, I thought, she was more than ready to embrace it couple hours ago. We lapsed into silence, well not complete silence, since she was hiccupping beside me, but more quiet nonetheless.

I led her to the hospital, through the dimmed corridor and to her body, where her family had gathered. This was some kind of penalty for her sinful act. She had to see what she left behind. Of course not all suicidal humans had to do this, some people who really did have a bad life and were really depressed were sent as soon as they stood beside me, but for some people, who did what they did just because they were simply selfish, like Mary, had to pay a price. So even though she died, she couldn't escape the regret and guilt over the sadness she had left behind.

Her father and brothers were all gathered around her body to make sure it was really her those villagers had found. And as soon as they lifted the cover sobs erupted from her brother's chest as her father buckled in grief. Not long after that, her own sobs joined the others. I walked away to give her some time to think about everything, even though she definitely couldn't go back.

I walked down the corridor, passing rooms of sick people, death angels and nurses, towards a deserted area of the hospital that I'd never noticed before. There was a narrow turn at the end which connected to a dark corridor, too dark for humans to be able to see anything. Suddenly I had this weird urge to see what was in there. I saw rays of sun light from the right side of the corridor, not far from the dead-end as I went deeper into the hidden darkness. There were some loose floor boards here and there, which made it impossible for a human to walk in without stumbling along the way.

I heard nothing ahead, but before I decided to return, I saw him leaning against the wall beside the window. His face hidden by shadows, but I could see his glazy eyes as I stood in front of him. I wondered if he had been drugged, because he had a very faraway look and his eyes looked hazy.  
I felt the odd sensations starting to creep as I settled myself on the other side of the window. It looked like he had not been sleeping for awhile, judging from the black shadows underneath his eyes. I was sure that he was going to cry any moment, but the tears remained unshed.

Suddenly, like he snapped from whatever it was he thought about, he stiffened and, dare I say it, sniffed around. His frown deepened as he walked around with perfect ease and stopped in front of me. He looked straight ahead, seemingly staring at me.  
I hastily moved away before his hand could reach me, even though I doubted he could touch me, and his head moved along with me, staring at the space above my head. He turned to me and slowly lifted his hand up again until it was in line with my cheek. I closed my eyes and willed myself to freeze.

"Can he see you?" If I were human I would have had a heart attack by now. Mary appeared beside me, or it was me not paying attention to those around but him, and his hand fell back. His shoulders slumped as Mary moved to circle him. I released my breath I'd unconsciously held in and moved away, eager to get away from my cornered position.

"Who is he?" She asked again.

"Dr. Cullen." I answered his retreating back. I marvelled at his ease in the dark, he must have better eye sight than other humans.

"And he is…" Mary said questioningly, without really asking. I leaned my shoulder at Dr. Cullen's previous spot.

"You are not going to answer." She said stating the obvious.

"I don't have to."

"You don't have to or you don't _want_ to?" she asked as she folded her hands on her chest.

"Does it matter? Either way is the same, isn't it?" I smiled slightly at her.

What was he thinking that made his eyes look so hazy? What was he doing at dark place like this? What's with the sniffing? He couldn't see me earlier, how come he saw me the first time? So many questions, yet no answer to any of them.

I heard Mary sigh and close her eyes. She was still drenched, no matter how many times she wrung her dress. Water dripped from her wet and messy hair. She has the same hair as Dr. Cullen, I'd thought, just a darker shade, maybe.

"I thought he was forced into the whole arranged marriage, just like I was. Don't get me wrong, I loved him from the beginning, but the idea of submitting to my parents' will was devastating to me. But I accepted it."

She took a shaky breath and closed her eyes. "He was so distant, so confusing, but still the perfect gentleman. He brought me flowers, my favourite, took me for walks around town and everything. But he was still like… like… "She stopped for a couple second to find the right word."Him. Just like him."

"I thought it was because he was still in love with his past girlfriend. So when we finally did it and I found that I… I… I was…" Tears started to leak out of her eyes and sobs tore through her.

"Pregnant." I mumbled as she furiously nodded.

"I thought about telling him, but then it would've just made him unhappy. He would have found a way to cancel the arranged marriage and live happily ever after with his love, but if I told him about the child, his child, in me, he would be forced to go along with our parents. So I thought if I… if I… "

"Suicide." I once again mumbled as she sobbed and left her sentence uncompleted.

"It was supposed to be simple. My non-existent brothers would be sad for a while but continue with their own lives like nothing had happened and he would be free to chase other girls. But I didn't think he was… he would… that he… "

"Would love you." I sighed. She wiped her tears and took a deep breath. "You shouldn't have assumed."

"I didn't have a choice! I didn't know!" She stood up and shouted while clutching her stomach.

"Everyone has a choice." I mumbled. "You didn't have to tell me anything, yet you did. You unconsciously made a choice."

"That's because I thought… I thought… You could, you know."

"No." Giving the soul back its body was just not possible, and unheard of. Once taken, it has to be sent or they had to cross over. There is no way I could get her life back.

After long hours of silence for me and sobbing for her, she looked at me and asked. "Do you know him? From your life maybe?"

"Not really. I've never been human, as far as I remember. I was born like this."

She snorted. "I guess we can't do anything about that, now can we?" I briefly glanced at her and looked away.

"He is handsome." She smiled at something far away, like she tried to recall something from her memory. "You know him."

I nodded and we lapsed into silence once more.

"He could… sense me, for short. He saw me once. We talked briefly." I said. As soon as I said it, it felt like some kind of burden was lifted from my chest and suddenly the air tasted better.

"You were wondering if you could talk to him again, weren't you? If he could see you again?"

Her sudden knowledge startled me. _Yes_, it was true, yes. But I'd never admit it to myself. Because once I gave in to my wants, I could never make sure that my legs wouldn't bring me to him.  
To think that death angels supposedly don't have wants. I sighed.

"I don't have a choice. We are not supposed to be seen by humans yet he has seen me with my disguise up."

"When your disguise is up no human can see you, right?" I nodded. "Maybe it's supposed to happen. You know, destiny, fate, whatever."

I looked at her. The theory of fate or destiny never passed through my mind. Dare I think that it was destiny? That the very first time I saw him had all been written by God?

"And destiny said that it is time for you to be sent." I said, choosing not to reply to her statement.

She nodded.

"Where are we going?" she asked innocently while, once again, trying to rid the water in her dress.

"It's where are _you_ going?" I watched her closely as her shivering increased, watched the steam puff out of her nose every time she exhaled. She rubbed her hands in a futile attempt to create warmth.

"Why it's so cold here?" she asked, half-shouting.

"You are being sent." I solemnly answer as I watch the view from the window. I felt understanding and the acceptance that there was nothing she could do and she would be punished for doing suicide, sinking within her.

"Hey, Isabella." She struggled to talk, as the temperature dropped drastically for her. I looked at her pale and shaking form. "Just a little advice from the dead." Another tremor rippled through her, but she softly smiled.

"Everyone has a choice." With those final words, she disappeared and I was left alone in a dark, narrow and deserted corridor of the hospital.

It was raining when I had finally sent the last human on my list. When the list had disappeared, I found myself sitting alone on our roof, or rather; my roof, now that Jacob had stopped visiting.  
I played with the hem of my short-sleeved, white cotton dress while leaning against the brick wall behind me. I closed my eyes and silently recalled my conversation with Mary, the suicidal bride. Not exactly the whole conversations, since that would involve her ex-fiancée and her unborn child, but the last part that persistently haunted my mind.

_Everyone has a choice_.

It had been my advice for her, but I hadn't realized that it could be very well an advice for myself.  
Her words rang in my head when I walked down the street, taking souls away and gathering them to cross over; I recalled it so clear and loud as though she was back and screaming at me. I could very well have missed a soul, just because my mind decided to take over at random moments to take me back to the hospital with her trembling form right in front of me.

How could she accuse fate for my peculiarity? I mean, fate wouldn't expose Dr. Cullen to such a danger, you know, the danger of being able to see me. Why him, against all odds, why could he see me? Was it supposed to be like this? It could be fate being messy and messing things up.  
And then there were the things I felt around him.

I sighed and played with my hair as I watched the rain and hasty people down below. What would _they_ think, when they found an angel of death on their porch? Would they scream? Or laugh it off and shoo me away?  
I was positive they wouldn't care if I was cold or not and they would absolutely not invite me in for small talk like he did.  
Then again, Dr. Cullen didn't know what I was.  
For all I knew, he thought that I was just another human that foolishly stood too close to the edge of a roof.  
I had a feeling that he was different, but I could very well be very wrong, since death was supposed to be unfeeling.

Mary's words tempted me to greet Dr. Cullen. So much that I had unconsciously walked around his lounge room in circles.  
I could talk to him, get to know him, get caught and casted away or I could ignore everything that happened, get as far away as possible from him and never get return, never get caught. My inner self screamed in agony upon hearing the later options. Of course knowing me, the second option was out of question. I could never walk away from him, knowing he could see me.

I snapped out of my musings when I saw a tall, familiar form walking down the street, a familiar path that I know would lead to Dr. Cullen's house. As soon as I saw him down there, hand shoved into his pockets and the other hand holding a black umbrella, all the questions, all the options, choices, why's and what ifs, flew out of my mind. I would never be sure about why things happened but there was one thing I knew for sure; I wanted it all to happen.

So I stood up and brushed off the nonexistent dust from my dress, a habit I picked up from Jacob, and quickly followed him, secretly, to his house. I promised myself that if he didn't see me again tonight, then it would be as if he never existed.

But of course there was always the small part of me that mockingly whispered; _as if.

* * *

_So how is it?

Hey just to let you now, since my last update on my other story "Her" I have changed into a review-thirsty creature, so beware! I know how many of you had read this and didn't review! *hissing*

So review guys... or I hunt you down! *roar*


	7. Chapter 7

Not mine.

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Chapter 7**

Humans are gifted with self preservation; an instinct, so to speak. An urge to look over their shoulders when they walked down a dark alley. Every goosebump that appears on your skins when you walk alone, late at night, after work; that shiver that always makes you want to cry out, all of that, is what protects humans, unconsciously, from invisible threats, like a hidden rapist, kidnapper, robbers and their friends. Some kind of sirens ringed, a constant nagging on the edge of their minds, whenever confronted with danger.

The thing with vampires is that our nature makes humans, usually our potential prey, resist that live saving instinct. The nagging is still there, but it becomes too soft, too easy to ignore. They feel so entranced and mesmerized, that the world around them collapses into nothing and they still go on like nothing ever happened. The second they realize they have moved into a darker and more deserted area, our fangs are already grazing their delicate necks.

That was why, no matter how much humans were enthralled by my presence, the urge to run away is still there. The uneasiness they feel, even though mixed with admiration and sometimes lust, is so prominent that nobody dares to approach me, except for work. I can feel their eyes burn on my back, every time I make my round around the hospital. Luckily it is all they can do; staring. The only things that prevent them from screaming and running away are my golden eyes, decades of practice, and my sincere will to help them.

So you can imagine the effort Dr. Gill made, on one cloudy day, to come up and insist that, at least, I should take a break, since I refused to go home. It did look inhuman when I kept working, even after a nonstop 48 hours of shift, so I gave in. I walked down to my place; a hidden and dark corridor. So dark, even in daylight, that humans wouldn't even know it was in fact a narrow corridor, with a loose floor broad here and there.

In the times like that, when there were no people for me to help and cure, my mind often wandered off to the earlier years of my existence.

Sometimes, a long time before that, I used to wonder what I had done to deserve such a life like mine. I used to think I was punished, because I had blindly followed my father's orders, executing other children of God, if that is what I am, and I was changed into the very creature I tried to kill. A long time ago, I used to wonder if this was my destiny.

Destiny, fate, if there is such a thing, what was it thinking when it wrote mine? Back then, if destiny had been standing in front of me, I was sure that I would have charged, without a doubt crushed him with my strength. Before my creation, if someone had asked me about fate's existence, I would have laughed him off, and told him that what we are, how our life is, is because of our choice, and nothing else. What we choose will determine our future. Such a foolish young human I was.

Now, that I had made peace with myself and was trying to help others, I grew to stop blaming the life I was living. I studied to become a doctor and I travelled to many places. I met the Volturi, the royal family of the vampire world, and I'd started to feel grateful for the fact that, somehow, God showed me the way to another lifestyle. One that, if I dare to hope, could be my chance of redemption. Somewhere along the way, I felt relived and proud of myself, of the fact that I never touched human blood before.

Now, that I had matured, a lot, I would never laugh at destiny again. I hadn't chosen to be a vampire and the more I lived, the more I realized that I should better make it work, since there was nothing I could do to travel back in time. Grumbling and whining were not going to make the rest of my existence any better.

Now, that I knew nothing was going to change what I'd become, I wondered if I was going to spend the rest of my life standing alone at the hospital's window, choosing to stay at the hospital because I couldn't bare the feeling of loneliness every time I set my feet in my house. I wondered if there was someone out there that I could talk to about my life, my thoughts or even about random things. If I still got the chance to have a family, if there was such a thing as a mate, my mate, somewhere in this world. I wondered when I would finally meet her.

I snapped out of my reverie when I smelled the familiar scent of damp earth, like it smells after a heavy rain, and dying flowers. I was not sure what kind of flowers. Jasmine, perhaps, but I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, a sign that someone had been staring at me for far too long. I unconsciously stiffened and recalled every sound I'd heard since I leaned my body against the windowsill. Surely no human could get this far without making a sound.

I slowly turned around and sniffed, I'd smelled this scent before, but I couldn't remember when or where. I was filled with a curiosity and an urge to find the source of the peculiar smell. So I followed the scent to the other side of the window, across from where I was.

I looked ahead and pondered the possibility of something inside the wall, like the old stories of dead bodies, buried in a wall, but I should have smelled it sooner.  
I was sure that there was something there before me, something cold, even to my freezing touch, but when I lifted my hand to taste the empty air, the scent disappeared with a sudden gush of wind. The scent of old wood and dust came back and I couldn't feel the cold or smell any peculiar scent anymore. The voices in the background, whimpers of wounded soldiers and the wailing of newborn babies suddenly returned, like I had been momentarily deaf and someone slowly increased the volume or finally pulled the plug out of my ear. I didn't even realize that had been deadly quiet when I noticed the scent.

I dejectedly walked out, assuming that whatever it was, had had disappeared. I walked to the lounge, a moderately large room with two worn looking couches, a coffee table and some shelves in the corner and I prepared myself for another round.

As I fell back into autopilot, the edge of my mind secretly recalled the scent. It was the same scent I had been sensing for the last couple of months. It a constant presence that I could not see, like an invisible human and it only increased my curiosity. I felt like I'd known this scent for years. As my hands wrapped a bandage around a bloody leg, my mind suddenly drifted to my encounter with a girl a couple weeks ago, on the roof. Like with the scent, I'd felt like I had known her or at least met her, somewhere before that day, though I'd only first met her.

The rest of the day was a blur of blood, clothes, people and mostly the thoughts of the scent. I recalled, that I hadn't just sensed it at the hospital, but also late at night, by my couch, at a particular corner or at random places in my house.  
I went home when Dr. Gill, once again, approached me with a crossed look and sternly reminded me of the fact that I had life outside the hospital, which I deeply and silently disagreed with.  
But even though the thought of my empty house was frustrating, I couldn't tell him that I was not tired and that I could deal with more patients, or at least not without blowing my cover.

I folded my white coat, a doctor's universal uniform, neatly and prepared to go home. It was just softly raining, finally, after a couple of hours of heavy thunderstorms, so I took and opened my black umbrella, even though I didn't have to.  
It was close to midnight and the streets were almost empty, as most people were safely tucked into their beds already. The sounds of the rain that poured onto my umbrella roared in my ears. I quickened my pace as fast as humanly possible, as if I could escape from the obnoxiously loud sound.

At some point I folded my black umbrella and let the rain drench my black coat as the shadows of trees in the forest shielded me from unfriendly eyes.  
Not that anyone could see me, in the middle of the night at the forest side, wearing black from head to toe, except from my hair.  
I ran, vampire speed, for the rest of the way.

I stopped when I saw the outline of my house, a small two story building, which was almost as old as the trees around it. I slowed into a pace, human speed, the prospect of being alone and doing nothing was as unappealing as human food to me.

I walked with perfect ease, where a human would either stumble in the darkness or freeze to a state of hypothermia due to the cold, I walked around.  
The scent of two deer reminded me that I hadn't hunted for awhile.

After I disposed the carcasses and made sure I hadn't made a mess, I walked back to my house. It was completely dark by then, and besides the rustling of leaves, there was nothing I heard except for some insects here and there. I didn't feel any presence nearby. I was completely caught up in my own world until I saw something white flickering in the direction of my house. I quickening my pace, still at human's speed, while reminiscing about the possibility of any human getting lost in such weather. If so, this someone must have the worst timing ever.

I took a deep breath, trying to identify the 'something' that was flickering just outside the range of my house's wooden fence, but I smelled nothing. It was like nothing was even there, and I realized just before I saw it, that I couldn't hear anything either, no heartbeat, no sound of footsteps or breathing.

This someone was a girl, with a long, slightly curly brown hair, and a white dress that reached her knees. She stood, 10 yards away from me, with her back towards me, so I couldn't see her face without making my presence known.

Suddenly her shoulders tensed and she slowly turned around. It was like watching slow motion and somehow the sounds around me mysteriously ceased. It was like time itself had stopped and I took a step closer. It was so dark that I doubted she could see me from that far, but I could see her as clear as I'd seen her on the roof. It was her, Isabella, as lovely as last time in same white dress. She was glowing or the dress against the dark of night made her, somehow, look like she was glowing.

She stood motionless and stared at me, or rather; in my direction. Sometimes I forgot how limited the human senses are.  
I walked silently, in order to not startle her while observing her closely. She was beautiful like last time, with a heart-shaped face, button nose and cherry lips. Her eyes were focussed on me, though my common sense was screaming at me that she didn't, but I found myself hoping that she knew I was here all along.

I approached her, my feet barely touching the ground, and in a matter of seconds I was standing behind a tree not so far from her. What was she doing here out of all uncommon places? Was she lost? Should I show myself? Did she expect me to?

_Of course she didn't, you fool. She must be lost..._

She was still there, looking at me, even though I'd moved. Her eyes, somehow, following me. Her dress moved gently in the wind that also blew her hair around her face. I decided to show myself, in case she was actually lost and in need of immediate medical help.

"Dr. Cullen." She whispered. It was not a question; it was a statement.

I was standing 2 feet away from her and I was in shock. She saw me, in this darkness.

"Isabella."

I smelled the damp earth and dead flowers again and I figured it must be because of the rain. Her eyes were filled with surprise and curiosity, but I couldn't define what colour they were; brown or black?

"What are you doing here at this late hour?" She only shrugged and slowly, like she didn't plan for it to happen, she smiled. It was a small, sweet smile and I found myself no longer caring about what she was doing or why she was here in the first place. I struggled to keep my hands to my sides, when all I wanted was caress her soft cheek.

"Are you lost?"

She kept smiling and offered me no answer. I sighed, I knew the custom deemed it improper but her health was my priority. God knows what would happen to her, or what bug she might catch, while standing outside when it was still this cold.  
"Why don't you come in?" I invited, gesturing to my house.

Once inside, I carefully lit a fire, so she would be warm, and she followed me, but stopped just outside the living room door. I turned my head towards the girl and smiled. "It's okay. Sit down, please."

I rose and rubbed my hands together, copying a movement a human would make. "Would you like some tea, Lady Isabella?"

"No, thanks. You don't have to."

"I insist." She looked at me intently and I felt like she could see right into my very soul.  
But of course this was just me being... me.  
After a little amount of time, I wasn't sure how long, because being with her made you forget about small things like time, she finally nodded.

"Anything you have."

I walked to the kitchen, feeling slightly relieved that she hadn't ask for a specific brand of tea. I never had any guests and I just hoped the supply would still suffice.

A frantic search, several attempts and silent prayers later, I finally got it right. It had been a while since I'd had tea, and I went back with steaming tea in one hand and a towel at the other.

When I got back she was standing by the window that overlooked the unkept back yard and, when one looked closely, a beautiful small lake. I doubted she could see it.

I gave her the towel and put the tea on the coffee table nest to the couch. When I turned again, she was already seated, with the towel, untouched, on her lap. I looked at her and then at the towel; she followed my gaze and looked lost.

"It's for you, you know." I gestured to her hair. But she didn't seem to understand. "It was raining earlier, you must be wet." I explained.

She glanced at the towel again and slowly unfolded it. Her motions slow and careful, graceful even.  
I helped her wrap the towel around her shoulder as she sighed contently.  
Was that because she'd never touched a towel before or because of our closeness? I wasn't sure.

Now that we were so close, I smelled a tinge of freesia on her skin. She was warm, not nearly as hot as other humans are, but warm, like a rising sun in the morning. It was a little weird, since my skin was supposed to be ice cold, but hers felt warm to me. I sat down on the other side of the table, fighting the urge to stay close to her. I gestured to her tea. She hesitated again, before she, with a sigh, took the cup and sipped.

"Is it too sweet? Do you need any sugar? Unfortunately I'm running low on milk." She sipped her tea again and put it back.

"Do you not have tea, Dr. Cullen?" she questioned.

"I am not a tea person." I smiled sheepishly. "So, what are you doing here?"  
She didn't answer right away. And I started to suspect that she had trouble with her hearing.

"I come here a lot, to the forest, I mean." She looked down at her folded hands, "You are not the only one who loves the peace the forest offers."

I nodded, it was unusual for a girl like her to play in a forest, but she was more or less the epitome of unusual.  
She didn't look around in a new environment, she didn't care about a possible fall of a roof, she was not afraid of getting lost; she didn't even seemed troubled to be in a room with a stranger, with a vampire, at that.

"You must be tired. You could use a free bedroom upstairs, if you want." I offered.

"No. I'm not staying long." She smoothed a nonexistent wrinkle in her dress.

"It is dark outside. Where would you want to go at this unholy hour?" I frowned, thinking about the helpless girl walking down a dirty alley at night; it was not a pretty picture.

"I do not want to waste your free time."

I stood up and sighed as I smiled at her, "I'm not easily tired." I added a new piece of wood to the fire to keep it going, even though she didn't look like she needed the warmth, I knew it was freezing out there for human.

"Can I visit you again, doctor?" she said from behind me.

"Of course you can, but I mostly live in hospital. This is the first night I've been home in 2 days." I struggled to keep my voice straight. The thought of her visiting me, and us talking about whatever would come up, was too tempting to be passed. She was at perfect ease with me, so I figured; why not? I was in need of a friend. I was not aware of the big smile plastered in my face. Fortunately my back was turned towards her, so she didn't see my ridiculous face.

I didn't feel or heard any movement until she whispered a soft thank you, closer to me than I thought she was, and the scent of damp earth, freesia and dead flowers overwhelmed me. I turned, human speed, and found a tidily fold towel and an untouched cup of hot tea. It was like she hadn't even been here; there was no trace of her, not a smell, not her footsteps or even the sound of a door being opened and closed. The only sign that there had been a guest in the first place was the still steaming tea.

Slowly, my senses began to return and I could hear the forest sleeping again, smelling a passing herbivore and the busy nightlife.  
It was a close resemblance to the first time I woke up as a vampire, like someone had cleared everything for me to see and hear.

I checked the windows first, hoping to catch her outside, but I was met with an impending darkness.  
I ran outside. I checked the house, nothing. I checked the forest and couple of houses at the outskirt, still no sign of her.

I dejectedly went home when the sky was about to turn pink and I let myself fall on the couch noisily, pinching the bridge of my nose. She hadn't even made a sound! She'd just been gone! Where had she gone? Was she alright?

The rest of my 'free' day was spent looking for her, either in forest or in the houses. My curiosity consumed me from the inside out and I unconsciously couldn't wait for her to unexpectedly show up. I went to the roof of the hospital immediately, when I returned, but she wasn't there either.

I replayed her visit over and over again in my head, as I examine a feverish baby and as I bandaged a wounded arm. Every time, whatever I was doing, I tried to recall some missed detail.

Lost in thought, I realized something that my conscious had been nagging me about. I always feel like there was something wrong, something was amiss in her, on her.

I had not been concerned about her heartbeat and lack thereof; I had not cared about her sudden disappearing. I'd stopped thinking about it after a while.

I took the towel she'd used, and smelled it.  
It was supposed to smelt like her, like freesia, but there was nothing on the towel.

She hadn't been wet, the towel was never used. She'd been dry even after walking through the rain and waiting for me in the cold. Why had I never noticed this before?

She had appeared out of nowhere, and when I thought about it. She'd been completely unaffected by not only the rain, but by the weather in general. When I first met her, on the roof at twilight, the wind had been cold, but she hadn't been concerned.  
She didn't even shiver at my touch.

Who, or rather, what is she?

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**I'm in a tough week right now, so I know it's not much. And lately I've been told that my story is too slow and less action, I'll try to do better next time. Just as the previous chapter, thanks to Silvereyed angel, the chapter's readable. **

**To my reviewers, no matter if it was devastatingly less than I hope, I still appreciated it. **

**tristar3149- I'm flattered. really. I came from non-english country so to be told that my story is well-written, is really something for me. Thank you! **

**microcheese- Yeah, I'll move things a bit faster than I planned, and thank you so much for sticking around.**

**Alice1257 & Fleur24 - Thank you! With the amount of review that I've got, even though it's short, yours were really motivating. **

**And so the thank yous had been delivered, lets talk about this chapter. Tell me what do you think? Feel free to tell me your opinion about what you want or what do you think should happen. Of course I'm still waiting for your constructive feedback :D**

**Just be gentle, a young, insecure writer here.. hee...**

**luv,**

**abby**


	8. Chapter 8

Enjoy!

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**Chapter 8**

I dislike rain. Or rather, I used to.  
I used to cower in a corner because of rain and thunder.

Not that I remember much about it, the memories are rather hazy, but I can easily recall waking up in the middle of a stormy night. A scared and shaking little boy.  
At first, mother always came to chase my demons away, but after a while, after father found out about our cuddling activity, no one ever came again.

After a while the rain stopped bothering me and I learned to sleep through the night, albeit a fitful sleep.  
I remember one night, where I was reminded of my hate for the rain.  
I'd been lying awake in my bed, somewhere around midnight, and I'd heard a soft padding of little feet just outside my door. The light was flickering because of the rain and my heart had been thundering so hard inside my rib cage almost painfully.  
I'd slipped out of my bed slowly and tip toed to my door; the flickering had stopped once I got close enough and sweat had started to form on my forehead. I'd taken a hesitating step back, wondering if going back to bed and hiding would be the better option.

"Carl," a whisper had woken me from my musings, so soft that I almost missed it.

I'd wrenched my door open, and found my little sister flinching away because of the sudden noise. I just hoped it hadn't woken my father up.

"Carl!" She'd whispered once again, more urgently. Her face pale with a tint of pink and her tiny hand grasping her blanket so hard it shook.  
I'd ushered her in and closed the door carefully. Trying not to make any kind of sound.

When I'd turned away from the door, my sister had already snuggled in my bed and was beckoning me to come as well. I'd sighed and gotten in.

"What is it now, sis?" Settling myself in, I had cradled my sister in my arms. She had been, as I observed, shaking. I took her clammy hand in my warm one, not really surprised when I found it both cold and sweaty.

"I couldn't sleep." She'd murmured, slightly muffled by the pillow.

"Bad dream?"

She'd shaken her head, and I remember watching her eyes brimming with tears.

"There there, Amy... Don't cry..."

The thought of seeing my sister crying is still unbearable.  
She had been a strong girl for her age; even when father crossed with her, she'd always held her head high and silently endured the punishment. Only me and her doll, always tightly clutched in her arms, knew how long she would cry her eyes out every night after being punished by father.

Her lips had trembled as tears started to leak from her blue eyes, the eyes nearly every Cullen in every generation had. I'd wiped her tears with my thumb.

"The rain was making scary voices in my room," She'd spoken rather hesitantly, "and its dark."

"Let's go to mom ok?" I'd offered, already starting to get up. I knew how it was to feel incredibly scared and helpless because of the rain and how mother, being the amazing being that she was, would come to calmly pet my hair and tuck me in.

"No! No. Don't" she'd begged as she clung to me, her eyes darting between my face and the direction of the master-bedroom.

"Daddy was home late," She'd whispered.

A painful understanding had dawned on me then, as I let her cling to me. I knew father adored Amy more than anything, but waking him in the middle of the night after a hard day was not worth the risk.

I'd watched her finally doze off, sucking her thumb. There couldn't have been a clearer sign of fright and insecurity

After a while, Amy had no longer felt the need to pace back and forth in front of my room and wait for me to open the door. Every time it rained or stormed at night, I would feel my bed dip and something warm clinging to my back. Or in those nights, when my brain refused to rest, I would hear the door creak and watch Amy's tear-streaked face appear.

It was mostly the rain that drove my little sister to tears, though sometimes it was just the nightmares.  
I'd known Amy was allowed to go to our parents' room and that there had been no need for her to cry or worse, missing a night's sleep, but I still blame rain for everything.  
It was especially hard when I went school and was no longer able to stay home, to know that on those rainy nights, my sister had no one to cling to back at home.

I hated rain.

It had been raining in the day I changed. Rain had marked my so called death. I remember biting my lips to stop from crying out because of the burn and I clearly recall the feeling of dragging of my body to the shadows.  
Rain was always a reminder of the day I changed into the very creature I'd sworn to kill. Sometimes I blamed my father for forcing me and therefore making me the man I am now. I couldn't help but notice rain was always there whenever I felt helpless and scared.  
I used to hate rain purely because what it had represented in my long life.

It's funny, to look back and compare. With her, rain brought excitement and anticipation of what was going to come. I found that my heart felt lighter at the sight of a grey cloud slowly covering half of the land. I found myself in front of a very bewildered Dr. Gill, asking for permission to go home every time I felt the rain coming. Or just because I simply had to go home after days in hospital. I couldn't lie to myself about my humming and the bounce that was present in my every step as I walked down the forest road.

Whenever my vampiric sense told me it was going to rain, I knew she would be there, sitting contently just a few yards from my porch, playing with dead flowers. I sometimes wondered about what the girl was doing in a soon-to-be stormy night, or in the middle of a rainy day, when her family could easily notice her absence, in the middle of a forest in front of a stranger's house.  
But I found every thought was pushed away when I saw her glowing form, and I didn't feel anything amiss until she was long gone

She had appeared couple of times. And I had shop for tea more frequently then ever.

The second time she appeared, I was surprised and almost bursting of joy. I hadn't thought she would find her way back.  
When I asked her about this, she simply smiled her charming little smile and said; "I've been friend to the forest for a long time, Dr. Cullen. There's no way she's going to let me get lost in her domain."

I could only chuckle and try not to grimace as I forced some tea down my throat. Glad that drinking, at least, was easier and less messy than eating

She said many strange things when we talked.  
Well, mostly I talked about the life in the hospital or life in general, nothing personal, and she would ask questions, rather odd ones, ever so often.

"It must hurt," she mumbled once, "to be sick, I mean."

"Sometimes it hurts, yes, but some other times it just feels uncomfortable and strange," I answered.

"What is it like to watch them hurt, Carlisle?"

I racked my brain for a suitable answer as I speechlessly stared at the girl in front of me. She was playing with the hem of her skirt again and eyed the book on my lap rather curiously.

"It's unimaginable;" I finally decided to say, "All I feel is the urge to do something to lessen the pain. The rest is… unexplainable." I closed the book and put it on the table.

"What about you Isabella, have ever seen someone who was severely ill?"

She shook her head.

"I've seen plenty people dying though." She said, still looking at the book on the table.

I wasn't surprised, as humans were fragile. Practically anything could make them loose the light in their eyes forever.

The rest of the evening was of a gentler tone, quiet and peaceful. Isabella, as I found out later, was not a girl who liked to chat. She was perfectly content with watching me read and she was fascinated with any picture I that came up in the book. I once asked her, if she ever got bored, watching me read.

"Why would I be bored?" She replied, making it sound like it was a silly question. I took the liberty to read to her, or tell her stories of my past, just in case.  
I found the experience refreshing and relaxing. To know that someone was as interested as she was, hanging to my every word with clear fascination.

She was especially interested in my story of France, where I was starting my medical course and my dream of helping humans.  
She snuggled up beside me with her chin on her knees and my unused blanket wrapped around her tiny form, as I read the book I've written about my life in France. I skipped many parts, though, as I couldn't very well tell her the story of vampire royalty now, could I?

"Are there many dying people in France?" She innocently asked one night, when I was done telling her about what France looks like at night.

"I guess there are." I answered her question hesitatingly.

"I think it was nice of you to try to save people from death."

I closed my book and looked at her. Death was something she was always talking about. "Have you ever seen people die? I mean really, really seen them?" "Have you ever wanted to die?" "Can you tell when people are dead, or dying?" "Did someone die in France?" "Is death in France different from here?"

I found it rather unnerving for a girl, no older then eighteen, at least, to talk about death so frequently

"What is it about death that fascinates you so much?"

She looked down. "Do you think anyone would like death?"

And this was another odd question I meant to tell earlier. She was just… unusual.

"I don't know, Isabella." I sighed at her crestfallen face. "Maybe, some people welcome death when life holds nothing for them anymore. Others fear it."

She leaned closer, urging me to continue.

"I don't know if there are people who enjoy death. It's feared, hated, cursed, people try to avoid death, desperately. To like it? It's hardly the right feeling to be associated with death."

Her face was blank, without any reaction to what I said and I re-opened my book to continue the story of an opera in Paris, though I could feel her mind had shifted to something away from our story. She stared at the picture of people with pretty and flashy dresses with a lack of enthusiasm. I merely looked at her and wondered what had distracted her.

She was absent for a couple of rainy days after that and I was left with a painful tug in my chest every time I peered out of the window, seeing no one outside. No dark haired girl sitting on the ground without a care of whatever could get her dress dirty.

Many times I reminded myself to that she must have family to tend to and that she couldn't very well be with me every time I wanted to. But I kept having a feeling that it was something I did that made her go.

She returned after almost a month. We didn't talk about what happened and I felt no need to broach a topic that might make her leave again.

"Would you like to read it yourself?" I asked once she had settled in her usual seat with her usual blanket. She stared at me funnily. Her eyes shifting from the book, to me and back to the book again.

"Do you want me to teach you how to read?" I questioned gently. I didn't know what her family was like. A lot of upper class women could equal any man, but there were a lot of girls who weren't taught how to read and write.

Her reaction was the confirmation I needed. The confirmation that her disappearance was not permanent. That she would come again as soon as a day got darker because of the impending rain. Her smile was all I needed to know that nothing had changed and everything was as should be, though it still couldn't be called normal.

With a happy sigh I'd stood to get her simpler book to start with.

Now, I waited for the rain. Now, I expectantly look at the sky, impatient for it to darken so I can hurriedly go to fetch my robe and go home.  
Now, I relish the feel of water hitting my cold skin, running vampire speed to the forest.  
And I feel happier then ever when I smell the scent of damp earth and jasmine with a tint of freesia, the smell of her, as I silently thank whatever it is up there for making it rain today.

The thought of Isabella, sitting there in her pretty white dress, fingering a dead flower, was the best prospect I'd had in a long time.  
I couldn't very well hate rain anymore. For the rain had always brought her to me.

* * *

Well, I wanted to write my speech up there, but since it has been longer than I thought, I moved away to down here.. where all of you have no reason to skip it :P

I'm sorry it took longer than I expected. You know, usual stuff, university was getting messy and exam was coming like every one and a half month.

So I decided to take a peek to Carlisle's childhood. I'm not sure if he had any sibling, just be grateful for all of "Amy" out there, that you have the chance to cuddle little Carlisle every night, in this story. And Carlisle didn't have bad childhood or violent father, just a stern one that didn't like his children being cuddled.

And for Carlisle and Bella interaction, I leave it to you. Any request of what Carlisle and Bella are going to do next?

Here is my reply to some of you that had reviewed.

**Fleur24** : Thank you! I'm glad you think so.. I'm myself surprised that my rotten brain could come up with something like this. Stick around! :D

**civicgurl**: love you too

**abaker9**:wow, I'm overwhelmed. You asked everything that I haven't bother to think about before. I think you'll have your answer in the next chapter. Thank you for being such a loyal and nice reader (and reviewer), you know exactly how to make me even more excited to write the next chapter. Love you! *smooch*

**lexigal1984** : Thank you for the luck.. I need it.

**Melbi** : glad you like it. Keep reviewing...

**ILoveCarlisle** : As soon as I get your review, I turned on my laptop and started writing this chapter instead of studying for exam (I was in the middle of an exam week when I got your review). I hope you still around... keep reviewing...

**Next chapter:**

_"You are different, aren't you?"_

_"I could ask the same question to you."_

_"So tell me, what make you so different from the other?"_

So, there, I make it up to you. You had a little peek of what's next...

Review people...

Love,

Abby


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